All Cheerleaders Die (2013)★★★☆☆


I know it’s Easter, but instead of finding something thematically appropriate, I found this. I started watching this one expecting something silly and ridiculous, and that’s exactly what I got. It kind of reminded me of Jennifer’s Body, only not as clever, and much more focused on being sexy than on being scary.

And sure, it was kind of sexy at times. I mean, I feel like the whole plot was just thinly veiled sexual innuendo…and sometimes just blatantly sexual. The story was silly, and it had too many moving parts. Like they wanted to make fun of horror movies and romantic comedies, but kind of missed both boats.

The end result is a bit messy, weirdly obsessed with lesbian romance, and oddly nonpartisan when it comes to domestic violence. Sure, you expect some of that from what’s basically a zombie cheerleader movie, and I know Tracy was being kind of a bitch, but come on…Terry punched her in the face. That’s just not okay.

Anyway, the cast was okay. None of them were particularly outstanding, and the only one I recognized was Maddy, though I had to look her up to remember her real name is Caitlin Stasey. The background music was forgettable and there weren’t any real scares in this one. It’s probably much better as background noise.