Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

Ugh, honestly, has there been any franchise I like more than Insidious? I have not rated an Insidious movie less than 4 stars yet, and this one isn’t the one to change that. I guess we’ll see how tomorrow’s movie does, but for now, I just…clearly I love this series.

So I originally watched this last week, because it shows up on a bunch of lists for “best scary movies set on the 4th of July,” but…this movie is NOT set on the 4th of July. Who wears winter coats and hats in July in Philadelphia? No no, this film takes place on and around “Liberty Day”…but given the climax with the big parade with fireworks and Uncle Sam and ALLLLLLL the red, white, and blue throughout the movie, I can definitely see why it’s on a lot of lists. Even if they’re wrong.

Okay, July is definitely turning out much better than most of June! I liked this one! I was originally going to say that it was less strictly “horror” than I expected (especially considering the cover art!), but the “horror” definitely picked up towards the end. Honestly this movie was so much fun.

So, I think this movie wins for making me cry the hardest of any movie I’ve watched this year. Actually, I don’t recall crying for ANY other movie I’ve written about this year. And I’m a BIG crier, especially for movies.

I’ve always liked this movie. I’m actually surprised I didn’t review it in 2016, since it’s been around for years! I think I actually read the short story, probably when I was much younger and into splatterpunk? But this movie is fun. And gory. Very gory. Like, take as much gore as you would expect from a horror movie and then add some.

This is a weird movie. I think I liked it better this time around. The first time I watched it, I may not have been quite “ready” for a slow-burn film about being stuck in a room with your family, no clear way out or idea when (or if) you’ll be rescued.

This is another movie that I liked, but I don’t have too much to say about it.

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. It’s got the feeling of a slow-burn horror, but it’s reasonably paced and I liked it! It’s not perfect, especially when it comes to some of the reveals, but I genuinely enjoyed it.

Happy 4th of July! Here’s a VERY silly on-theme movie for you.

I can see why this was direct-to-video, but I can’t honestly tell why this was made at all. It’s the shortest of the three films, and also the most boring.

You know, I had already watched this recently (past couple years, I think?) for some reason, and even still had forgotten how fun and funny this one is. I think I may have watched it after some video talking about Jack Black’s ridiculous character? Who definitely adds to the fun, by the way.

Hello, July! I can’t believe six months of 2024 have already passed! I’m not sad to leave June’s movie picks behind me, though.

I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a little bad about the lower rating on this one. I was convinced nostalgia was going to give this one a boost! But I genuinely found this movie boring when I watched it today. I have zero memory of how much I liked it when I first saw it many many years ago, but it’s kind of a newer slasher classic, so I probably enjoyed it some?

Okay, I’m glad June pulled itself together for the last week or so (and I guess the first week was pretty good too, so I really just picked a bunch of duds for the middle of the month?).