Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

I think maybe I didn’t include this movie in 2016 because I waffle at times on whether this is truly a “scary” story…but I’m coming down on the side of thinking it’s a worthwhile addition to the list. And not just because Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman get it on, though that might broaden the appeal.

Ahh, thankfully a much better (if much older) movie with Amy Smart in it! It’s too bad all of her scenes are the ones with the worst “netspeak” and movie computer magic.

This was a weird little movie, and I feel some kind of way after watching it, and I’m not sure how to describe it? The feeling OR the movie.

Thankfully, any misgivings I originally had about this film were unwarranted. I mostly enjoyed it!

Okay, I don’t know if I’m just feeling impatient this year or what, but I feel like I have mentioned “slow” on so many movies already. And I’m going to do it again, because this movie was slow.

Oh wow. It feels so weird to rate anything with Amy Smart only one star, but this movie was SO BORING. And so pointless.

Okay, okay, I have to be honest, a four-star rating is kind of misleading here.

Okay, maybe I should have had slightly more skepticism for this movie than I did. It was unfortunately a bit disappointing, so, you know, happy birthday to me?

At this point, I don’t even know why I let myself be skeptical of things anymore. I finally got around to watching this movie, because it’s almost my birthday. I’d been avoiding it because it has a silly name and a bunch of unknown actors and I just feel like that rarely works out?

(I apologize in advance, but this whole thing might be spoilers?)

I did not like this movie. None of the characters were likable, the story (if you can call it that) was boring and unoriginal, and the dialogue felt like it was ripped out of a bad CSI episode.

This may not be a great movie, but it is a dark movie. Not in tone, although there’s a bit of that, but in lighting. I get it, I get it, you’re underwater (see what I did there?), it’s dark…but that doesn’t make for easy viewing unless you’ve got a large, bright screen and a very dark room.

Okay, if you are into scaring yourself, I strongly recommend watching this movie alone, in the dark, on an otherwise quiet night. If that doesn’t work, well, I guess I’m easier to scare than you are, but it should still make for an enjoyable experience.