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Carver (2008)

If you’ve been struggling to understand what I mean by “understated” when I talk about opening credits, this movie is a great example of opening credits that are not understated. That probably should have been a warning to me, but I kept watching anyway.

I won’t say that watching this movie made me want to carve out my own eyes, but I won’t say that it didn’t, either. You can probably skip this one. Even the brief boob shot isn’t enough to redeem it.

Cupid (2020)

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope for this holiday you do literally anything but watch this movie.

Dead Awake (2010)

Oh wow. It feels so weird to rate anything with Amy Smart only one star, but this movie was SO BORING. And so pointless.

Memorial Day (1999)

Well, this was an EXTREME disappointment. It’s a bad movie, just truly awful, and now it’s an awful movie I own on DVD. Frustratingly, this movie didn’t even have the benefit of a familiar face like Lamorne Morris, so there was literally nothing to earn it an extra star. I don’t have a “no-star” rating, but this was definitely even worse than that other one-star movie with a LOT of familiar faces.