Satanic (2016)★★★☆☆

I’m giving this one three out of five, but I think that’s a bit generous. I have a soft spot for Sarah Hyland, what can I say? Who else here watches Modern Family?

This could have been a good story but the writing felt really childish. I think this could have been a scary PG-13 movie, but there’s so much unnecessary swearing. It feels unrealistic – like the writer just wanted to show how many curse words he knows.

You know that episode of The Simpsons that’s basically Lord of the Flies? When Bart realizes there’s no authority around he yells “We’ll live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!” which makes sense for a 10-year-old to say.

It doesn’t really make sense for a bunch of teenagers to say things like that, but they do. The characters are flat and underdeveloped and while the scary stuff is scary, it’s infrequent and there are parts of the film that drag on.

It’s nowhere near the worst movie I’ve watched so far, but I don’t think I’ll need to see it again any time soon.