The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)★★★★☆


Here’s a Michael Bay remake I can get behind. Sure, that’s mostly because I wouldn’t have realized Michael Bay had anything to do with this if I hadn’t looked it up, but still.

There are parts of it that aren’t great but it’s better paced, better acted, and better written than the original. It’s a bit darker and because of the pacing a bit scarier, both of which I quite like.

It’s clear that they’re building up to a sequel, but apparently they decided they liked the sheriff’s character so much they had to make a prequel instead. And let me tell you, I did not like the sheriff’s character at all. So I’ll probably skip their prequel and go straight to the 2013 addition to the franchise tomorrow.

And yes, there was lots of Jessica Biel in this one. Was it just me or did her shirt keep getting tied higher and higher above her navel? There was definitely one point at which it was completely untied one minute and then tied in the middle a second later – movie goof? Anyway, despite the previous two sentences the shirt wasn’t that distracting.

Plus, (spoilers ahead) she not only escapes, she exacts revenge on that damn sheriff in one of the best payoff endings I’ve seen. No explosions necessary!

There’s nothing groundbreaking or truly original in this, but it’s an entertaining remake that I think outshines the original in some ways (though it will likely never become as much of a classic). It’s worth a watch just for Eric Balfour’s early demise.