Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

Happy Arbor Day! Is your turkey in the oven?

Well, HERE is a silly B Movie I can get behind. Seriously, I knew I was going to like this from minute one.

Okay, honestly, I feel a little bad here. In my head I’m thinking “this is the only Alex Garland I’m really familiar with!” but then it turns out I’m super wrong…I just didn’t realize Alex Garland was involved?

This is a bad movie. Just…epically bad. Well, not epically bad (I did give it two stars, after all), more like run-of-the-mill bad, but bad nonetheless. It might be my least favorite M. Night Shyamalan film?

Happy Earth Day! Here’s a South African eco-horror indie film for you. Well, maybe not for you. It depends on how you feel about slow burn horror movies, I guess.

I’m pretty sure I saw this originally in theaters, when I was young enough to be a big horror fan but too young to really have big deep thoughts about movies. And I remember liking it back then! I mean, Mira Sorvino, Giancarlo Giannini, AND Charles S. Dutton? What’s not to like?

I know I have already said a few times not to watch things if you’re a dog lover…well, this is like the epitome of movies not to watch if you’re a dog lover.

Well I definitely liked this better than the original. For a few reasons, really. But it’s definitely not perfect.

I liked this movie okay, but I have very little to say about it.

So I don’t know if you’ve watched Stranger Things, but if you have, you might recognize Joe Keery, who plays Steve. Well, Kurt Kunkle is not Steve. Not even a little.

I was on the fence about giving this one a full five stars, but I figure if I can give Disturbing Behavior five stars, I can give this five stars, too. It was FUN.

Wow, people really do NOT like this movie. Like, it has an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes with over 1000 reviews.

Actually, I think this review by Shaun Munro says it best: “This virtually tension-free, depressingly bland horror flick is tough to recommend to anyone but the most undemanding horror fans looking for something gentle to stream on a hungover Sunday afternoon.”

Look, I’m really sorry that so many of my reviews for this year are pure nostalgia. This probably isn’t really a five-star movie, but I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I love everything about it.