Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

This movie was fine. It could have been a lot better. It had an interesting context and setting, and on the surface an interesting story, but it didn’t really do anything new with either.

I wanted to really like this movie. For most of the film, I was ready to give it four stars, but then it just kind of…ended. It’s nicely shot and the acting is great, but the pacing and the payoff fell flat for me.

I’m giving this movie three stars, but barely, and it’s mostly because I really like Erica Leerhsen. This is a weird movie, and one that just really has no reason to exist.

I first saw this in theaters with my mom, and I admit the fourth star in my rating might be more for nostalgia than the film itself. I also admit that having seen this film multiple times, and seeing the actors in other things since, I have also lost some of the initial charm and mystery as I write this.

So, first things first, I have no idea what to call this movie. I first heard of it as Peopletoys, which was an intriguing enough name…and when I looked it up to pull movie details, it was listed as Devil Times Five, which is…fine, I guess.

Then I started the film, and the title screen shows The Horrible House on the Hill, and when I went to look that up to make sure it was the same film, I learned it was also released on video as Tantrums, which I think I like better than both Devil Times Five and The Horrible House on the Hill, but not as much as Peopletoys.

Now, all that out of the way, this movie is not as good as ANY of its names.

Ok, it’s really difficult to say…well, much of anything at all about this film, without spoiling it. So, I’ll start by saying I think this movie is really good, really tense and intense, and terrifying, and horrifying. And dark.

Everything else has spoilers ahead.

Before I get into this movie, I want to go on a little tangent about something neat that’s happened in the past few years: some really great horror TV shows, namely From (which I briefly mentioned last week), and more importantly to today’s film, Yellowjackets. I love Yellowjackets SO MUCH, and Sophie Thatcher (Sadie in this movie) is my favorite on the show.

I could go on for paragraphs upon paragraphs about Yellowjackets, but I’ll just say I highly recommend it if you are ok with a lot of questions being asked and not always answered (it’s two seasons in, and now that the writer and actor strikes are over, hopefully seasons three and beyond will be out in the not too distant future!)

Oh hey, another movie I first saw alone in theaters! Unlike yesterday’s, though, I kept my phone for the whole thing. And it wasn’t dark outside when I exited the theater. So, I guess slightly less of a mood to carry over on rewatch? Which is ok, because honestly the real-life drama surrounding this movie was more a thing of interest than the drama in the story, and even that faded pretty quickly.

Ok, full disclosure, I first saw this movie at a movie theater, on my own, late at night. On top of that, I dropped my phone under my seat, like ALL the way under my seat, sometime during the first half of the film, and had to wait until it ended to sheepishly ask random guy next to me to shine his phone light under the seat so I could retrieve it. Thankfully he was amenable and it was a relatively easy retrieve, but it definitely added a MOOD to the first time I watched this.

Remember how I said that as a standalone film, yesterday’s remake was fine? So was this - and since it wasn’t a mostly shot-for-shot remake, I’ll let it keep the third star.

Honestly, I watched this not expecting much from it, except a return to the original New Year theme/holiday. And it wasn’t great or anything, but it was totally watchable! And not quite as predictable as the first! And the writing was much sharper and funnier - I so am glad they backed off the creep factor for the Magician this time around and gave him some great lines.

Well, this was kind of a letdown. And yet…why is there a sequel, and why am I watching it tomorrow?

Look, if I had seen this movie first, I might have given it 3 stars. As a standalone film, it’s fine. But as a remake? It’s unnecessary. It doesn’t add anything to the original, and in fact is missing Jamie Lee Curtis AND David Copperfield! So I can’t in good conscience give it a full 3 stars, but it’s fine.

The acting is mostly fine, although the characters are all kind of dicks (like, moreso than in the original?). I really liked the actress playing Mitchy (despite the “this poly dropped a molly” line), and I recognized the actor playing Mo from From, a supernatural horror TV series for which I am desperately awaiting season 3.

This isn’t the first (or even the second) horror movie I’ve watched that takes place on a train, but it might be the most fun. Despite the standard “mean prank gone horribly wrong” revenge trope, this movie is campy 80s horror fun, Jamie Lee Curtis included.

This movie was so fun that despite all the murder, I still kind of want to go on a train party? A party train? Conceptually, trains are such a neat setting for stories. Trains running in endless loops around the world. Trains stopped in the middle of the woods late at night. Trains where everyone conspires to murder a passenger and cover it up. Trains where Keanu Reeves is taller! There’s something about the limited escape options – and generally limited intruder options – that gives trains their own personality and ambience as a setting.

I have honestly been procrastinating writing about this movie for SO LONG. I love it. I have watched it SO MANY TIMES. I have tried to convince all of my friends and family to watch it. Sometimes I put it on to fall asleep to. But I’ve been struggling to really put into words WHY I love it so much.

So of course I watched it again. And I’m still not sure what to say. Honestly? What I say about this most often is “I love this horror movie. It’s hilarious.”