Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

As far as scary movies go, this one isn’t terrible. It’s got Lance Henriksen and apparently a very young Mayim Bialik.

The story is interesting and Pumpkinhead is pretty scary (despite his kind of silly name).

It just feels slow. I notice I’ve been saying that of a lot of films lately. Maybe 2016 is just dragging on and I’m ready for it to be over.

This one’s okay. It’s got Pink (listed as Alecia Moore) and Shannyn Sossamon, so the acting was pretty good.

It’s got the catacombs under Paris, so the setting was pretty good.

I probably should have guessed from the title (and the cover picture), but this movie was lots of violence and very little story.

So little, in fact, that I really have nothing else to say about this one.

It’s…almost watchable? It’s only an hour and a half but feels like forever so if you’ve got the option to skip this one, take it.

I didn’t know what to expect from this movie. It started out slow, got a little strange, and then got really weird and religious.

Holy crap. This movie is terrifying. Don’t Breathe is the perfect name for it. I know I found myself holding my breath more than once during this one.

Tonight’s anthology had fewer familiar names and faces than last night’s, but since Larry Fessenden was one of those names I didn’t complain too much. I’m happy to report that his segment was one of my favorites.

While I didn’t find every minute of this exciting like with Tales of Halloween, I’d still rate this five out of five for the concept. It’s just so cool. And it’s well implemented here.

I decided to watch this one tonight because…well, because it seemed fitting.

Well, this is definitely the most surreal of the three V/H/S films. Which seems fitting right now.

Listen, I could say a lot about this movie but let’s be honest: the live results of this election are the scariest thing I’ve watched all year.

VHS seems like a strange concept for an anthology made in 2012. The concept is questionable when the one “tape” contains footage from a secret spy camera in someone’s glasses and even more questionable when another tape contains a recorded FaceTime interaction.

As you might expect of a film called Dog Soldiers, this was pretty silly. But it was silly in the way that only British humor can be. Or perhaps it’s not actually funny, it’s just that I love the British accent so much.

Have you ever had the desire to go off the grid and move to the countryside in the middle of nowhere? This movie will shake that desire out of you pretty quickly. In fact, you might just find yourself shaken in general after watching this one (I certainly did).