Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

Remember how I said that as a standalone film, yesterday’s remake was fine? So was this - and since it wasn’t a mostly shot-for-shot remake, I’ll let it keep the third star.

Honestly, I watched this not expecting much from it, except a return to the original New Year theme/holiday. And it wasn’t great or anything, but it was totally watchable! And not quite as predictable as the first! And the writing was much sharper and funnier - I so am glad they backed off the creep factor for the Magician this time around and gave him some great lines.

Well, this was kind of a letdown. And yet…why is there a sequel, and why am I watching it tomorrow?

Look, if I had seen this movie first, I might have given it 3 stars. As a standalone film, it’s fine. But as a remake? It’s unnecessary. It doesn’t add anything to the original, and in fact is missing Jamie Lee Curtis AND David Copperfield! So I can’t in good conscience give it a full 3 stars, but it’s fine.

The acting is mostly fine, although the characters are all kind of dicks (like, moreso than in the original?). I really liked the actress playing Mitchy (despite the “this poly dropped a molly” line), and I recognized the actor playing Mo from From, a supernatural horror TV series for which I am desperately awaiting season 3.

This isn’t the first (or even the second) horror movie I’ve watched that takes place on a train, but it might be the most fun. Despite the standard “mean prank gone horribly wrong” revenge trope, this movie is campy 80s horror fun, Jamie Lee Curtis included.

This movie was so fun that despite all the murder, I still kind of want to go on a train party? A party train? Conceptually, trains are such a neat setting for stories. Trains running in endless loops around the world. Trains stopped in the middle of the woods late at night. Trains where everyone conspires to murder a passenger and cover it up. Trains where Keanu Reeves is taller! There’s something about the limited escape options – and generally limited intruder options – that gives trains their own personality and ambience as a setting.

I have honestly been procrastinating writing about this movie for SO LONG. I love it. I have watched it SO MANY TIMES. I have tried to convince all of my friends and family to watch it. Sometimes I put it on to fall asleep to. But I’ve been struggling to really put into words WHY I love it so much.

So of course I watched it again. And I’m still not sure what to say. Honestly? What I say about this most often is “I love this horror movie. It’s hilarious.”

Ugh. I wanted to like this one so much more. Seriously, a movie with cute girls getting high and making out, AND Pete Davidson? How could it not at least be fun!

I don’t really have the answer to “how”, but I did not at least find this movie fun. I found it extremely boring. Maybe I’m too old for this movie? It felt pretty solidly “Gen Z” the whole way through.

..Oh…oh no…am I Greg??

Well, hello 2024! I’m excited to be back with this blog, and excited to be starting with a New Year’s Day film from the Netherlands.

I was all in on this movie at first. I watched it alone in the dark, late at night on a cold winter night. (Maybe a little too tired for an English subtitled film, but I made it through!)

And it starts out great! It does do that “mid-story flashback as opening scene,” but I’ll forgive this one. The atmosphere is creepy, the actress who plays Kristen is sympathetic and believable, and there’s a healthy sense of dread built up nice and early.

…and then things get weird. (Spoilers ahead)

Unfortunately, this is going to be kind of a disappointing double feature. I don’t really have much to say about this movie.

It tries to emulate the feel of the first one, but the pacing is too slow and rather than feeling dreary it just feels long. It picks up right where that one left off, with Rachel trying to save Aiden from Samara.

Since I didn’t watch anything last week, I figured I’d do a double feature this weekend. In honor of the new movie Rings that came out last week, I decided to watch this one…and its sequel. No, not the one that just came out. That other one from a few years after this.

The Disappointments Room? More like the disappointments movie, am I right? Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad, but I wouldn’t say it was all that great either.

I like this movie a lot. It’s got a lot going for it. Like the music, for example. The music in this film is fantastic. It’s like, Philip Glass level of expertise. From the main title theme to the general background score, it’s fantastic.