Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

Tonight’s post is a special one, because it’s really half of a post. I saw the first Contracted a year or two ago on Netflix, and while I mostly liked it, I always felt there was something missing and I wasn’t sure how to articulate it.

I saw that the sequel was recently added on Netflix and was pretty excited, but wanted to watch the first one again – it had been a while since I’d seen the original, and I read that the second started immediately after the events of the first. And it turns out, I’m pretty sure what was missing from the first movie was…the second movie.

This was a weird movie. I kind of get where they were going with the story, but it didn’t quite land for me.

I think Christopher Walken is not so much terrifying as he is intimidating. He intimidated the crap out of me in this movie, but I was never really scared. Maybe it’s the accent. I just don’t buy that the archangel Gabriel would be Christopher Walken. Clearly it was my inability to suspend my disbelief for the movie that ruined it for me.

This movie isn’t really a horror film, but it’s definitely a scary story. And since everything that happens in the film could technically happen in real life, it’s even more terrifying.

It’s interesting how a movie with essentially one location and three characters can be so engaging, but there wasn’t any point in the movie that dragged on or seemed unnecessary. The character development is impressive, though I suppose a movie like this would have to do that well. It definitely wouldn’t work if the characters weren’t sympathetic.

I (like many folks I know) have a love/hate relationship with M. Night Shyamalan. I loved Unbreakable and thought The Sixth Sense was pretty okay, and I hated The Happening (despite Zooey Deschanel – but that’s a review for another day) and was pretty bored by Lady in the Water. So I wasn’t sure what to expect from The Visit.

Then I watched the trailer for it, and realized it was basically an M. Night Shyamalan found footage film, and was even less sure what to expect from it. About where I landed…I’m on the fence about it, much like my overall sentiment towards the director.

I’ve been on a streak of above-average movies lately because I got a new job (yay!) which has left me a bit sleepy at the end of the day (boo!) and unwilling to put up with less-than-stellar movies. But it’s my second week now, so I’ve started getting used to the new schedule and can start watching and reviewing terrible movies again.

Just not tonight. Cam2Cam isn’t a 4 out of 5, but it’s not terrible. The acting is great, the story interesting, and the scenery (in Bangkok) beautiful. Plus the main character’s name is Allie.

This is a silly movie, and I like it. It’s the first thing I ever saw Megan Fox in, which is probably why I like her so much. Amanda Seyfried is great in this, and there are even cameos by J.K. Simmons and Chris Pratt!

Sure, it’s not the scariest of movies. I’m not sure Diablo Cody knows how to write real horror, but she does know how to write teen drama. So this is another film that ends up more like a primetime teen drama and less like a really good scary story.

Cursed is a very 2005 Kevin Williamson/Wes Craven production that ends up more Dawson’s Creek than Freddy Krueger. Joshua Jackson and all.

That said, I still really like it. The dialogue is cheesy and hard to swallow (I don’t think Kevin Williamson has ever quite figured out sibling relationships in his writing), but the acting is great. And the cast has a lot of relatively big names – Christina Ricci, a pre-fame Jesse Eisenberg, Judy Greer, Portia de Rossi. Oh, and of course Shannon Elizabeth.

This is an interesting movie. Interesting in a good way, though. I really like that the scares in this one build over time – it’s no action-packed slasher film, but rather a glimpse into the dark side of suburban family life and mental illness.

I don’t think the pacing will suit everyone. It’s a bit slow to get going (although you wouldn’t expect that from the awesome opening sequence), opting for character development over shock value, but this works well here; by the time you realize the depths of Pauline’s troubles you’re already feeling sympathetic towards her.

I’m surprised I haven’t already reviewed a Stephen King adaptation. I realized this was one I hadn’t already seen or read, which is impressive because I’ve seen and read a lot of Stephen King. Like, a lot. Anyway, it seemed like an appropriate choice for my first Stephen King review.

I may be a bit biased, but I haven’t met a Stephen King adaptation I don’t like. I think it’s partly because King is so great at describing scenes in such detail that a visual adaptation can’t help but be true to the original. 

Well, this one started out awesome but didn’t quite finish strong. I was so excited by the opening sequence, but it’s all sort of downhill after that.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Ali Larter and all, but this movie was too weird for me to really get into. The pacing was all off, so it dragged on at times and was too busy to make sense of at others.

Well, I have very little to say about this movie.

It’s got a silly premise, over-the-top effects, and a surprisingly great cast. I had forgotten Laura Regan was in this one, and I think I like Ryan Kwanten. Plus Bob Gunton’s cameo was awesome.

I’m of the opinion that the best way to celebrate any holiday is to curl up with some hot chocolate (or lemonade in the summer) and a good horror movie. Valentine isn’t exactly a good horror movie, but it was entertaining enough and definitely appropriately festive.