Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

I kind of figured this one was going to be pretty ridiculous when I watched the trailer, and I was definitely right. But I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be ridiculous.

I mean, come on…the over-the-top special effects, the completely ridiculous plot, that hilarious scene where they can’t send an email but they can “search, like literally for anything,” that even more hilarious fight scene soon after…it’s quite honestly a ridiculous masterpiece.

I’m no longer surprised to see just how low the ratings are on IMDb or Rotten Tomatoes for most of the movies I like. Wait, let me clarify…for most of the horror movies I like. Generally my opinions are in line with the majority’s for other genres. Except for Melancholia. That movie is the worst movie I have ever seen, ever, and I’ve seen The Cable Guy. And somehow Melancholia has a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes and 7.1/10 on IMDb.

On Netflix, however, I find that the ratings tend to be a bit more in line with my own. So I was a bit surprised to see that this movie had only one star on Netflix. And, of course, being the person that I am, I had to watch (and write about) it. Because I’d seen it before, and I knew I definitely would have rated it above one star. And watching again has only confirmed that, and maybe confused me. Who can I trust for scary movie recommendations now, if not Netflix?

This is a really interesting movie. It starts out strong and follows through until the ending. The acting is believable, the scenery incredibly creepy, and the suspense almost palpable.

I’m not entirely sure how to categorize this one. It’s about family, sure, and survival. It’s about doing what needs to be done to protect the ones you love. And it’s about zombies. Sort of.

I like Eli Roth. He’s got a good eye for what scares people, even if I think he sometimes veers a bit too much in the direction of shock value over terror.

And this one definitely sits over on the shock value side. Which isn’t to say the premise itself isn’t terrifying, because it is. The idea that you could fly to a foreign country to do what you think is a good deed, only to be mistaken for the enemy by the very natives you were trying to protect…that’s pretty dark and disturbing on its own.

I really feel like I shouldn’t like this movie. I mean, the acting isn’t great, the dialogue is awful, and the music is ridiculous.

And yet, somehow, I still think it’s pretty great. Even almost 20 years since its release, I could still watch this movie over and over and over again.

I think I like Stephen King best when he’s really imaginative. The Regulators and Desperation are two of my favorite King novels, and there is some seriously fantastical stuff in them.

So it makes sense that I’ve never read Cujo. I do find it interesting that I like horror movies best when they’re more grounded in reality, but horror fiction best when it’s not.

Okay, so maybe I kind of have a thing for horror movies that straddle the line between horror and other genres. Which isn’t to say that I don’t love a good, old-fashioned, classic scary story, because I do…I just tend to gravitate towards the movies that mean a little bit more than a few terrifying moments.

And yes, that’s where this movie falls. Somewhere inside the horror genre but also squarely inside the romance genre. And yes, I’m a hopeless romantic. So of course I liked this one.

I’ve really got to stop going in to M. Night Shyamalan movies with high hopes. Or high expectations. It just never works out the way I want it to. Which isn’t to say that his movies aren’t decent movies – they’re okay, they’re just a bit formulaic and it’s not a formula I particularly care for.

This is yet another one that fits that mold. On the plus side, I was happy not to see one of those revelation sequences where all the clues leading up to the reveal are flashed on screen. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much else special about this movie.

Ah, another Stephen King story I haven’t yet read. I feel like I’ve already read so much of his that it’s always surprising to see just how much I haven’t yet read. Anyway, add this one to the list of things I eventually want to read someday.

This movie was pretty good, but not great. The acting was fine, and the setting was definitely creepy, but I just couldn’t get into it.

This may have been partly because I found the “found footage” aspect a bit dizzying and nauseating, and partly because there just wasn’t a good payoff at the end.