Scary Stories (from a Dark Allie)

I wanted to like this one a lot more. It was okay. The story should have been interesting but didn’t really make sense as told. The pacing was off so the end felt rushed and the reveals weren’t all that intriguing.

The cast is the best part of this movie. I like Ed Burns and I don’t mind Shannyn Sossamon. I actually wanted to watch this a while back because I was on an Ariel Winter kick but I’m glad I skipped it – she’s not in this much. Everyone’s pretty believable and the chemistry of the group is okay, but it’s almost like the movie itself doesn’t have any chemistry (if that makes sense). Anyway, I guess it was nice to see Azura Skye and Meagan Good for the few moments they were on screen.

It’s almost summer and it’s been hot outside, which means I frequently find myself not wanting to think about anything, much less which movie to watch that day. So I decided on this one. In fact, I started watching it only a few hours after watching last night’s movie, so the events from the first were fresh in my mind. I’m glad it worked out that way this time because I caught a few more details than I did the first time (with a couple years in between seeing the first and the second movies).

I haven’t seen the third installment of the franchise yet, and I’m not sure I want to. It’s not written or directed by Eli Roth, so I’m not holding high hopes that it’ll be fantastic. This one was written and directed by Eli Roth and it already wasn’t fantastic. It was okay, but it kind of felt like it was just a mix of scenes Eli Roth had to leave out of the first one. There’s little new in this one except for the characters. And they’re not all new, either.

This movie is Eli Roth, through and through. Well, mostly anyway. I wavered a little on how highly to rate this and decided if I didn’t give it at least four out of five, I’d be lying to myself.

Watching it again now I find this movie a bit less impressive but at the time it was an original. And it’s still not bad, if you’re into this kind of thing – just make sure you’re really into this kind of thing, or you’ll probably regret watching it.

This movie was really disappointing. I was really hoping I’d like it more, especially with Sam Raimi’s name attached to it, but the original is better in almost every way. I say “almost” because there were a couple things this movie did well: the special effects and the stupid old tree. So many of the scenes were much more believable in this movie than in the original, in appearance if nothing else.

To be fair, if I’d never seen the original I probably would have rated this one higher. It’s creepy and well paced and the underlying story is the same. But since the original is just so damn good, my opinion of this one suffers a bit.

This is one of the first horror movies I ever saw (on purpose, anyway) and boy, did it stick with me. I remember when I was younger I used to wake up in a cold sweat after nightmares about this movie. Luckily, I haven’t had one of those in years…but then again I also hadn’t watched this movie in years.

One thing that definitely went over my head when I was younger is the sense of humor this movie has. From the parents getting stoned in their bedroom to the teenage daughter letting it slip that she “remembers” the Holiday Inn down the street, there are several jokes in this that land much better now that I understand them. This movie hasn’t just held up over time, it’s actually gotten better – or I’ve gotten smarter or more experienced or something. Either way, I like this movie even more now than I did when I was a kid.

SPOILER Warning: If you plan on watching this movie, just know that I love it and don’t read this review until after you’ve watched it. I don’t want to spoil anything for you.

Wow. I’d forgotten how much I like this one. Even knowing all the twists didn’t decrease my enjoyment of this movie.

This is mostly due to the phenomenal cast. While I was initially skeptical that Robert De Niro could believably play the father to Dakota Fanning (an incredibly young Dakota Fanning at that), I have to admit they both pulled it off. Famke Janssen and Elisabeth Shue were just two of the familiar faces in the supporting cast, all of whom were great.

This is an interesting one. It’s not for the faint of heart, though. It’s far more disturbing than it is terrifying, though. And you can’t even close your eyes to get away from it, since the group details (excruciating detail in some cases) aloud each cause of death.

But if you can stomach that kind of movie (no pun intended, I swear?), this might keep you entertained for an hour and a half. It’s a little slow to start but it picks up quickly and keeps that pace all the way to the final scene. I guess that’s unsurprising from the writer of Crank (and Crank: High Voltage!), though.

While this movie is reasonably entertaining, its premise is a bit ridiculous and doesn’t really lend itself to being taken seriously. I’m just not sure Elizabeth Bathory was the right historical creeper to use for this one.

And what was with the character names? Loomis, Hutch, October, Swink, Phin…and Abigail? I can only assume Samaire Armstrong (Abigail) was let off the hook for already living with the name Samaire. Don’t get me wrong, I think Samaire is a pretty name – I just can’t come up with any other reason Abigail was the only familiar sounding name of the bunch.

I like this movie a lot, though admittedly that’s probably more for the sense of nostalgia and whimsy I get watching it than any cinematic achievements of the movie itself. It’s a very dated movie, and while the story holds up after almost two decades, most of the pop culture references don’t. And there are a lot of pop culture references in this film.

The dialogue is awful at its worst and just slightly off at its best, and the characters are just as flat and cliched as the urban legends they’re studying. There are a lot of stereotypes and folks who seem more like caricatures than characters in this film, but none more so than Natalie’s (played by Alicia Witt) roommate Tosh the goth (wait, seriously?) played by Danielle Harris. Harris wasn’t bad, but are the writers expecting me to believe that anyone who considered themselves goth would actually ask a chatroom if any “gothie boys” were around? Because, well, I definitely don’t believe that.

I definitely like the first movie better, but this is a pretty entertaining movie overall. As a sequel it has some problems, but as something to keep you entertained for just over an hour and a half it’s above average. This is mainly because the Creeper is still incredibly creepy, but also because the setting (a broken-down bus on a highway on a road that doesn’t seem to have many other cars) is an interesting one.

Oh. And also because of Ray Wise. Who doesn’t love Ray Wise? Even “old” Ray Wise at the end of the movie is pretty bad ass.

In addition to my penchant for creepy old abandoned buildings (one of which appears in this film, in fact), I also have a penchant for old-timey songs used to incredibly creepy effect. The eponymous song in this film is a stellar example of just that (the version of “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” used in Insidious is another stellar example that I should review here eventually).

So this may sound silly (so business as usual), but Jeepers Creepers is spot on. This movie creeps me out. The Creeper is super creepy, the Creeper’s sewer is super creepy, and the Creeper’s truck is super creepy. There’s a lot about this movie that’s just super creepy. So of course I love it. And of course I’ll probably dream about the Creeper for the next few nights.

I’ve been feeling a bit off this week and today I kind of wanted to watch something silly that I’d seen (and liked) before. Originally I was thinking Planet Terror, but then I remembered it’s Thursday and Planet Terror is definitely not 20 years old yet. So I picked the next best thing.

Can you believe it’s been 20 years since this movie came out? Okay, I’ll be honest, I can totally believe it, especially with how young George Clooney and Juliette Lewis look in it. But you know what? It still holds up.

Much like last month’s, this month’s inaugural movie is related to the month in name only. And, also much like last month’s, I rather liked this movie.

Possibly it’s because I hadn’t seen Victoria Pratt in anything since the TV show Day Break was cancelled. Possibly it’s because I have a secret thing for Casper Van Dien. Or possibly it’s because I really like Eddie Jemison, though I had no idea what his name was until just now.