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1408 (2007)

Ah, another Stephen King story I haven’t yet read. I feel like I’ve already read so much of his that it’s always surprising to see just how much I haven’t yet read. Anyway, add this one to the list of things I eventually want to read someday.

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

I have to admit, I’m a bit disappointed by this movie. Okay, a lot disappointed.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

I had almost forgotten this remake existed and after watching it again, I wish I had. I know this was technically directed by Samuel Bayer (mostly known for directing music videos), but can we all just be honest and call this Michael Bay’s Nightmare on Elm Street? There were several points at which I thought to myself, “wow, this is Michael Bay as fuck,” which is fitting since that word was used way more in this than in the original. I’m not normally one to shy away from cursing (I love Seven, of course), but it seemed so…unnecessary in this.

Then again, much of the dialogue seemed unnecessary – this Freddy talks too damn much.

A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)

This is definitely the weakest entry in the franchise. It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not as good as either of the first two. Plus there’s no Cillian Murphy.

A Thousand Cuts (2012)

I swear when I first saw this movie I liked it much better. Maybe I was just feeling more generous. It was a little hard to get through this time…but I think the story is interesting enough that it earns three stars instead of two. It’s close, though.

Abigail (2024)

Maybe I’m just really tired today, but I was disappointed by this film.

Absentia (2011)

There’s a lot about this movie I like. It’s an earlier Mike Flanagan film, so there’s a lot of interesting direction and story. There are definitely some scary moments here.

Alien: Resurrection (1997)

I first saw this movie with the whole family on Thanksgiving Day of 1997 (the day after its release). I hadn’t seen it since, mostly because I remembered being really disappointed by it. That’s about all I could remember about it though. Well, that and the twist. So really, I remembered the one piece of information that makes the first half of this movie interesting because it’s a twist, and I remembered being disappointed by it. I’ll admit I wasn’t really setting tonight’s movie up for success.

All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

I know it’s Easter, but instead of finding something thematically appropriate, I found this. I started watching this one expecting something silly and ridiculous, and that’s exactly what I got. It kind of reminded me of Jennifer’s Body, only not as clever, and much more focused on being sexy than on being scary.

And sure, it was kind of sexy at times. I mean, I feel like the whole plot was just thinly veiled sexual innuendo…and sometimes just blatantly sexual. The story was silly, and it had too many moving parts. Like they wanted to make fun of horror movies and romantic comedies, but kind of missed both boats.

All Fun and Games (2023)

Yeah, this movie was also fine. It’s hard(er) to complain about a movie that’s less than an hour and twenty minutes long.

All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018)

It’s been a while since I’ve watched an anthology movie, and…I was not impressed with this. I thought it was going to be better.

American Psycho II: All American Girl (2002)

Okay, I know this is a bad movie. No one liked it! Bret Easton Ellis AND Mila Kunis have both denounced this film. In fact, it wasn’t originally penned as a sequel at all, just a standalone film, and I imagine people would’ve received it better if that’s how it ended up.

Amusement (2008)

This is another movie where I really like the concept but the implementation falls a bit flat.

It’s definitely not the cast here. Katheryn Winnick is great in horror movies, and this one is no exception. She can cry on demand like very few other actresses I’ve seen. Believably, too!

I also like that she generally gets to play the smart (well, at least relatively) one in many of her roles. Or at the very least, the one with the best survival instinct. Without spoiling too much, that’s true here as well.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

This is actually the first time I’ve ever seen this film. I’ve heard about it, I know it’s got a cult following, but it’s never really appealed to me.

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

So, I really like Tom Everett Scott, and I REALLY like Julie Delpy, but I don’t really think I liked this movie any more than the original. I wanted to! Especially since John Landis wasn’t involved with this one! But it didn’t land for me.

Anguish (2015)

I was kind of hoping this movie would be terrible so I could make an equally terrible joke about the anguish I felt getting through it, but I liked it too much for that. It was a bit slow paced, and not as terrifying as it could have been, but it was interesting.

I was especially impressed with the minimalism of the background music and how simple the camera work was. It’s a great example of “less is more.”

Animal (2014)

I feel like it’s been a long time since I’ve mentioned and appreciated some understated opening credits, but that’s what immediately struck me about this movie. I liked the tense opening music and the old-school style font! I was also a little surprised to see Drew Barrymore’s name in the opening as an executive producer! So this movie got off to a good start.

Annabelle (2014)

Okay, I can see why some folks might not have liked this movie. It’s slow, and not all that scary until the very end. Then again, if you already think that doll is creepy, this might be a scarier film.

Annihilation (2018)

Okay, honestly, I feel a little bad here. In my head I’m thinking “this is the only Alex Garland I’m really familiar with!” but then it turns out I’m super wrong…I just didn’t realize Alex Garland was involved?

Antisocial 2 (2015)

I was hoping that a follow-up to a movie I remember liking quite a bit might not be a disappointment, and yet…sigh. I’m still down, I’m still not feeling talkative, and I definitely wasn’t impressed with this film.

Apollo 18 (2011)

The first time I saw this movie was in a theater on the big screen. After watching it at home tonight, for anyone thinking about seeing this I would strongly suggest finding some way to see it in a very dark room on the biggest screen you can find. The experience is definitely lessened otherwise.

Apostle (2018)

This is a long movie, and it’s not all that scary, but it’s not terrible. I think if you’re into old-fashioned (like turn of the 20th century “old”) cults and period pieces, you might be really into this movie? It also seems very British.

April Fool's Day (2008)

I’m not really sure whether this is technically a remake of the other April Fool’s Day or what. It seems perhaps maybe there was an earlier version of the screenplay that was more closely related to the original? I did notice in the opening credits that there were two listed “based on the screenplay by” credits, in addition to the “screenplay by” credit, so I guess there were at least three versions of it.

There are some interesting similarities between this one and the earlier one, though. Both plots center around a group of rich college kids – in particular, the central character to each is a girl with a weird name starting in M (and much like Muffy, I’ve never met a Milan either). Both take place around April Fool’s Day. Both feature handheld camera footage in some way. Both are horror films. Both are a little ridiculous.

April Fool's Day (1986)

I can’t believe it’s almost April already. 2016 has just flown past so far. Anyway, here’s a thematically appropriate, Throwback Thursday, April Fool’s Day movie for you. And it’s not bad. It’s not great either, but it’s not bad.

I thought at first this might be one of the earliest “found footage” horror films ever made, but they moved away from the handheld camera gimmick pretty quickly (for which I’m thankful). It was a cute way to get some character development out of the way, though, and set a silly scene for the rest of the film. And it’s a pretty silly film.

Army of Darkness (1992)

So, I like this movie okay. It’s definitely more “comedy” than “horror-comedy” and definitely the most absurd of the Evil Dead movies.

As Above, So Below (2014)

This movie was pretty good, but not great. The acting was fine, and the setting was definitely creepy, but I just couldn’t get into it.

This may have been partly because I found the “found footage” aspect a bit dizzying and nauseating, and partly because there just wasn’t a good payoff at the end.

At the Devil's Door (2014)

This was another one that wasn’t a bad movie, but wasn’t a good movie either. It started off strong — Ashley Rickards can act, and it definitely had the creepy factor going for it (Michael Massee really helps set that scene…he is always creepy).

Unfortunately, about twenty minutes in the plot holes start to add up and are never quite filled. It’s like they were trying to do too many things in one film, and didn’t excel at any of them.

Atlantics (2019)

This movie is is a bit heavy, and slow (and English-subtitled, as it’s primarily in Wolof). It’s beautifully acted and the story is an interesting one.

Babysitter Wanted (2007)

This movie wasn’t bad. I like scary movies about babysitting partly because I used to babysit and partly because they generally aren’t about people making terrible choices when faced with some terrifying antagonist.

This is mostly true of Angie the babysitter here, and Sarah Thompson delivers the role nicely. The supporting cast is full of good actors who also deliver here, including the young Kai Caster as Sam. 

Barricade (2012)

(This whole review is basically spoilers…sorry?) It’s interesting that I picked this one immediately following yesterday’s movie, as it turned out to have a really similar twist. It was done a little better in this one, though not by much. This one did have Eric McCormack in it, though I’ve yet to decide whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Joking aside, the cast was pretty good in this film. The kids were believable, and Eric McCormack actually pretty good as the father. Since much of this movie is about a family dealing with grief and loss, I’m glad to see they got the casting right.

Bird Box (2018)

So, this one I definitely remember reading. I think I may have even read this before the movie came out, but after the movie was announced? Either way, I’m pretty sure it was my first Josh Malerman book, and since then I’ve ready Malorie (the sequel to Bird Box), Daphne, Black Mad Wheel, Inspection, Pearl, and Goblin, so I guess you could say I liked his writing!

Birth/Rebirth (2023)

I wanted to really like this movie. For most of the film, I was ready to give it four stars, but then it just kind of…ended. It’s nicely shot and the acting is great, but the pacing and the payoff fell flat for me.

Blair Witch (2016)

Miss me yet? I bet you thought I forgot about you. It’s a new year, which means a whole new promise to myself. Did you know it’s really time consuming to watch (and write about) a movie every day for a year? I don’t think I’m going to do that again any time soon.

Blind Malice (2014)

I really wanted this movie to be good. The concept sounded really interesting, and like there were many possible directions to take it. And it’s not like it’s that bad, but it felt really disappointing. Like they had this cool concept that they didn’t really do anything with. Instead, they decide to go in another arbitrary direction instead.

Like I said, it’s not all bad. There are some things this movie does really well. The opening scenes, for example. And I may have mentioned before how much I love a good understated opening credits sequence. And the music is surprisingly well done. I don’t even mind the sad blue filter the whole thing appears to have been filmed with.

Blood (2023)

I wasn’t too impressed with this movie. It had a reasonably interesting (if unoriginal) story, and the acting was pretty good, but it didn’t grab me like some of the other things I’ve watched this month.

Blood Creek (2009)

On the surface this has all the makings of a good movie. It’s a Joel Schumacher horror film starring Michael Fassbender (with Henry Cavill and Dominic Purcell thrown in as well).

Sadly it just didn’t grab me the way Schumacher’s other films have. It was about halfway in before I felt it even got interesting.

It definitely wasn’t Michael Fassbender’s fault, though. That man can be seriously creepy when he wants to be, and he definitely wanted to be in this one.

Bones (2001)

I think there’s something to be said for a movie that gives you exactly what you expect of it, and that’s basically how I felt about this one.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)

I’m giving this movie three stars, but barely, and it’s mostly because I really like Erica Leerhsen. This is a weird movie, and one that just really has no reason to exist.

Borderland (2007)

This movie was long and kind of boring. The story itself was reasonably interesting but the movie was weirdly paced and soooo slow.

Cam (2018)

This is another movie that I remember liking a lot more the first time I saw it. It felt a bit long and boring this time around, like it was trying to be too artsy for its own story or something.

Cam2Cam (2014)

I’ve been on a streak of above-average movies lately because I got a new job (yay!) which has left me a bit sleepy at the end of the day (boo!) and unwilling to put up with less-than-stellar movies. But it’s my second week now, so I’ve started getting used to the new schedule and can start watching and reviewing terrible movies again.

Just not tonight. Cam2Cam isn’t a 4 out of 5, but it’s not terrible. The acting is great, the story interesting, and the scenery (in Bangkok) beautiful. Plus the main character’s name is Allie.

Campfire Tales (1997)

I thought this one would be a lot more fun than it was! Essentially this was very similar to Urban Legend, though I guess this movie came first, AND (briefly) has Amy Smart!

Candyman (2021)

When this movie started, I was all set to give it four stars just for the understated credits sequence and the foggy Chicago skyline angles. But by the end I couldn’t quite bring myself to rate it so highly.

Cape Fear (1991)

I forgot that this being a Martin Scorsese film meant it was going to be looooong. And it was long, but it wasn’t quite the slow burn of the original. And it was definitely much darker.

Catacombs (2007)

This one’s okay. It’s got Pink (listed as Alecia Moore) and Shannyn Sossamon, so the acting was pretty good.

It’s got the catacombs under Paris, so the setting was pretty good.

Caveat (2021)

This is another one I heard a lot of hype about. I found it just okay.

Censor (2021)

This movie was fine. It could have been a lot better. It had an interesting context and setting, and on the surface an interesting story, but it didn’t really do anything new with either.

Cherry Falls (2000)

I figured this was going to be a weird movie, and I was certain of it when, relatively early on in the film, Jody (Brittany Murphy) sat on her bed and asked her father (Michael Biehn), with a straight face, “are you disappointed that I’m still a virgin?” I guess the tagline of “Lose your innocence…or lose your life” should have tipped me off earlier.

So yes, it’s weird, but it’s not bad. It’s got a great cast – Brittany Murphy, Jay Mohr, and Michael Biehn, plus Jesse Bradford for a (very) brief cameo. So the acting is good and the group chemistry is there, but the characters get increasingly stupider and it becomes more and more difficult to relate to them.

Child's Play (2019)

Since I watched all the Friday the 13th movies a few months back, I decided to watch this remake (reimagining?) instead. I really like Aubrey Plaza, but this movie was kind of a disappointment.

Choose (2011)

Sadly this was another mediocre film. At best.

But it did have Kevin Pollack and Katheryn Winnick so it had that going for it?

The music is overbearing, the pacing excruciatingly slow, and the story altogether a bit boring.

I’d skip this one unless you can’t avoid it. It’s good background noise. At best.

Cobweb (2023)

This is a weird movie and I feel weird about it. I definitely was on the fence between three and four stars, but ultimately I think it’s more of a high three stars than a full four stars.

Contracted (2013)

Tonight’s post is a special one, because it’s really half of a post. I saw the first Contracted a year or two ago on Netflix, and while I mostly liked it, I always felt there was something missing and I wasn’t sure how to articulate it.

I saw that the sequel was recently added on Netflix and was pretty excited, but wanted to watch the first one again – it had been a while since I’d seen the original, and I read that the second started immediately after the events of the first. And it turns out, I’m pretty sure what was missing from the first movie was…the second movie.

Creep 2 (2017)

I decided I wasn’t going to rewatch the first movie before rewatching this one, and…I’m not sure if that was a disservice to this or what, but I just wasn’t as entertained by this sequel as I remember being the first time I saw it.

Crush (2013)

So, there were a lot of familiar faces in this one, and I really wanted to like it much more than I did. I mean, Leigh Whannell was in it! And Meredith Salenger! And Reid Ewing! And Sarah Bolger! And everyone was pretty good!

Cujo (1983)

I think I like Stephen King best when he’s really imaginative. The Regulators and Desperation are two of my favorite King novels, and there is some seriously fantastical stuff in them.

So it makes sense that I’ve never read Cujo. I do find it interesting that I like horror movies best when they’re more grounded in reality, but horror fiction best when it’s not.

Curve (2015)

Netflix has been on such a roll lately that I figured I’d give this one a try as well. Sadly, I didn’t enjoy it as much as the other Netflix suggestions I’ve watched recently.

That sad, it was okay. Julianne Hough (Mallory) and Teddy Sears (Christian) both delivered excellent performances, and the car accident (and scenes leading up to it) was harrowing. It also wasn’t entirely predictable; I found myself wondering what was going to happen next at several points during the film.

Dark (2015)

October’s feeling like a lazy month for me. I can’t believe it’s almost over! Which means my favorite holiday is coming up quickly. Sadly, I have a lot more to say about delicious candy than I do about this movie.

Dark Harvest (2023)

You know those movies that are set in the 1960s but you just don’t believe that anyone involved in the movie was even alive during that time? This is one of those movies. Everyone seems very 21st century.

Dark Water (2005)

This is one of those movies that I feel like I should like more than I actually do. It’s got all the makings of a good scary movie! A great cast, a good composer, and an original story. But I thought it was only okay.

I’d been talking about John C. Reilly earlier today and saw that he was in this, and I hadn’t seen it since it came out (over 10 years ago now!) so figured it was a reasonable choice. I love Jennifer Connelly and Tim Roth, and I’ve been seeing Dougray Scott in a lot lately, so I figured it wouldn’t be that bad. And it wasn’t that bad or anything. The acting was definitely great, and the music was really well done. And the abandoned apartment and dilapidated complex was pretty creepy.

Darkroom (2013)

This movie was mostly okay. To be honest, I was expecting a little more torture porn, but it was relatively tame. There are a few graphic scenes but nothing over the top or out of place.

The cast was mostly okay. I’d seen a few of the actors in different roles before, but everyone’s character was fairly believable. I did have a problem with the family chemistry though. While the individual characters were fine, as a family I just wasn’t buying it.

Darlin' (2019)

Okay, so this is the third movie in “The Woman” collection, and definitely not my favorite. But it is Pollyanna McIntosh’s directorial debut, AND she reprises her role as “The Woman” here.

Dashcam (2022)

After how much I enjoyed Host, I was really looking forward to this one. Unfortunately it was kind of a letdown.

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Looking at my rating of this film, you might be wondering why I watched it this week after I said I’d be watching some of my favorites. Only 3 out of 5? Well, you’d be mostly right to wonder.

See, the remake of this movie is one of my all-time favorites. I’ve seen it at least 200 hundred times. And since it is a remake, I figured I’d watch it on a Friday so I could use Throwback Thursday for the original. This one. Only (and I hate to admit this) I’d never seen the original before. And to be honest, I wasn’t impressed.

Dead Awake (2016)

Okay, I don’t know if I’m just feeling impatient this year or what, but I feel like I have mentioned “slow” on so many movies already. And I’m going to do it again, because this movie was slow.

Dead Silence (2007)

Well, I have very little to say about this movie.

It’s got a silly premise, over-the-top effects, and a surprisingly great cast. I had forgotten Laura Regan was in this one, and I think I like Ryan Kwanten. Plus Bob Gunton’s cameo was awesome.

Death of Me (2020)

There’s a lot to like about this film, but it didn’t quite land for me.

Deep Fear (2022)

Okay, this is another movie I was all in on for the first hour before it got weird and a bit silly.

Also, it’s French. As in, English subtitles for a French-language film. Which I wasn’t expecting for a movie called Deep Fear.

Devil (2010)

I’ve really got to stop going in to M. Night Shyamalan movies with high hopes. Or high expectations. It just never works out the way I want it to. Which isn’t to say that his movies aren’t decent movies – they’re okay, they’re just a bit formulaic and it’s not a formula I particularly care for.

This is yet another one that fits that mold. On the plus side, I was happy not to see one of those revelation sequences where all the clues leading up to the reveal are flashed on screen. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much else special about this movie.

Don't Look Now (1973)

I honestly wish I had more to say about this movie. Especially because it stars the late, great, Donald Sutherland. And, like…ALL of Donald Sutherland.

Don't Worry Darling (2022)

Oh hey, another movie I first saw alone in theaters! Unlike yesterday’s, though, I kept my phone for the whole thing. And it wasn’t dark outside when I exited the theater. So, I guess slightly less of a mood to carry over on rewatch? Which is ok, because honestly the real-life drama surrounding this movie was more a thing of interest than the drama in the story, and even that faded pretty quickly.

Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)

I found this movie interesting, if a bit slow and campy. This movie was directed by William Crain, who also directed Blacula. I found this movie more straightforward and less ethereal than Blacula, but maybe not as entertaining?

Eden Lake (2008)

Y’know, I tried reeeeeeeally hard to avoid it, but this movie is fine. It’s just fine.

Exam (2009)

This movie had a lot of promise but did a lot of stupid things. In turn, its characters also did a lot of stupid things. It’s still a decent watch, but don’t hold your breath waiting for it to get better – it won’t.

I did like the opening credits sequence though. While it wasn’t totally understated, it did a better job setting the tone and mood for the movie than any other part of the movie did. It’s also where the music really shines in this one, especially since it’s a bit overdone throughout the rest of the film.

Final Destination 3 (2006)

So we’re getting to the point in the franchise where I start to wonder…is there a point to the franchise? There’s nothing new here.

While it’s vaguely reminiscent of the Saw franchise in that the appeal is largely in the intricate death scenes, this franchise seems to be marketed towards a completely different target audience.

The Saw franchise is torture porn, through and through, but somehow the Final Destination franchise feels more about survival than torture. The stars of these films are the ones trying to make it out – see the other side of “death’s design” as they call it.

Final Girl (2015)

I have no strong feelings about this movie, in any direction. It wasn’t bad, but…it wasn’t great, either. There just wasn’t anything special about it.

Fragile (2005)

This movie didn’t quite land for me. There was a lot about it that I liked, but the horror part of it was…lacking. Actually, there was quite a bit lacking. So it didn’t end up a terrible movie, but it’s not great.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Honestly, most of this movie was significantly better than I was expecting. The first hour plus was entertaining and hilarious and FULL of familiar faces.

Seriously, Katharine Isabelle AND Lochlyn Munro are in this! Along with Jason Ritter, Monica Keena, Kelly Rowland, and on and on and on…

Friday the 13th (1980)

Would you believe I’d never seen this movie before today? I’ve seen clips of it several times, and I’m familiar with the character of Jason Voorhees, but I’d never gotten around to watching this from start to finish before.

And I’m a little disappointed. I figured with Kevin Bacon in it, it had to be good! But it was just okay. Not bad, but not as good as, say, A Nightmare on Elm Street (then again, few things are). And no, I don’t plan on seeing Freddy vs. Jason any time soon. Unless I run out of other movies to watch first.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

I guess I can see what this movie was going for, but I didn’t find it super entertaining.

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

This one wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great, and it definitely wasn’t as good as yesterday’s, but it was better than the second and third entries in the franchise. It was just okay.

Friend Request (2016)

I’ve had this movie on my watch list for a long time and am only just getting around to it. It was okay, but nothing special. It’s one of those films where there’s an interesting story but sometimes the special effects are too laughable to be scary.

Fright Night (1985)

I’d never seen this movie before and went in without much in the way of expectations. Luckily that meant I wasn’t too let down when this turned out to be an unremarkably average attempt at horror/comedy.

Let’s just say that The Lost Boys did the same thing way better a couple years later. In fact, all three of those movies did the same thing better than this one.

From Within (2008)

I’m still sleepy and still don’t have too much to say. I liked this, but I really really wanted it to be better. There are a lot of places where it falls a bit flat. Taken individually, everything seems right – the music is good, there aren’t distracting artsy camera tricks, everyone knows how to act. Even the dialogue isn’t bad. But somehow all of the good components don’t add up to a great movie.

Gaia (2021)

Happy Earth Day! Here’s a South African eco-horror indie film for you. Well, maybe not for you. It depends on how you feel about slow burn horror movies, I guess.

Grave Encounters (2011)

While the concept of this film is reasonably interesting (though not terribly original), it never quite falls into place. Everything feels just a little bit off. It’s watchable, but nothing special.

Grave Encounters 2 (2012)

I liked this one about as much as I liked the first one. The camerawork and lighting was a bit better. The characters were almost as unlikable as the first group, but I’m a little more forgiving because they’re a bunch of college kids.

Halloween (2018)

I…kind of knew from the beginning of this movie that it wasn’t going to be my cup of tea. It felt overly artsy for a Halloween movie, and definitely too slow for my liking. But I kept going, particularly because I knew Jamie Lee Curtis was back in this one.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

So I’m finding that on the whole these sequels are better than most of the Friday the 13th sequels, but that doesn’t really make them good. They’re just passable.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

I don’t have too much to say about this one, except that it feels like “a thing” that when a franchise reaches a certain number of films, it has to have a telepathic child connected with the antagonist somehow?

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

First of all, I’ll admit right now that I haven’t seen any of the other Halloween sequels, so I’m probably missing some context. That said, you could watch this movie on its own and still follow along with the story.

Halloween II (1981)

Okay, welcome to another round of “too many movies in a single franchise”! Probably similar to the Friday the 13th collection, I’m not going to watch these all back to back. Also, fair warning, some of this is going to be posted out of order. Like, I’m not watching Halloween 3 until next week, because it’s basically a standalone film unrelated to Laurie Strode and Michael Myers and it fits better with my schedule this way.

Halloween Kills (2021)

I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll have much to say about this one or tomorrow’s movie, other than I’ll be glad to be finally done with this franchise.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Okay, this definitely wasn’t as bad as yesterday’s movie. This one is actually a direct sequel to Halloween H20, so we’ve graduated timelines, I guess?

Happy Death Day 2U (2019)

Okay, maybe I should have had slightly more skepticism for this movie than I did. It was unfortunately a bit disappointing, so, you know, happy birthday to me?

Hatchet (2006)

I like Adam Green. Frozen was a pretty good one, and there’s another one he did that I’m planning on watching soon that I remember liking…though that one features Ray Wise, so maybe that’s why I liked it. This one unfortunately wasn’t his best work. It’s another attempted parody that misses its mark. You don’t want a slasher film to be boring, and this one is pretty boring.

Head Count (2019)

So…this movie had a lot going for it, but it really failed to live up to any of those things.

Hellraiser (1987)

I watched this for the first time tonight and found myself mostly unimpressed. I imagine that it would have given me nightmares had I seen it when I was much younger, but the scary scenes were limited and overshadowed by the echoing audio effects, and the weird pacing and awkward jump cuts made it a bit hard to follow.

It felt very much like an 80’s horror movie that didn’t quite hold up through the years. That said, although I haven’t read any Clive Barker (I’ve mostly stuck with Stephen King and Christopher Pike, with some R. L. Stine thrown in for good measure), this story intrigued me enough to want to read his original novella and look into his other works.

Holiday Hell (2019)

This is a bad movie. There’s an argument to be made that it’s so bad it’s good, but…you’d have to do a LOT of arguing. So why am I rating it three full stars? Jeffrey Combs. Literally the third star is just for Jeffrey Combs.

Holidays (2016)

I like anthology movies (especially scary ones) and I figure Mother’s Day is a reasonable holiday to watch a holiday anthology movie like this one. And, well, it was a holiday horror anthology movie all right. There were definitely a bunch of horror stories loosely related to the (mostly U.S.-based) holidays.

Sadly it’s yet another movie that’s just sort of okay. I couldn’t even point out to you which of the segments was my favorite. They’re all just sort of okay.

Home Sweet Home (1981)

Wow, this movie. I was considering rating it at only two out of five, but I gave it an extra star because it’s just so bad. You know, in that can’t look away from it kind of way.

Hostel: Part II (2007)

It’s almost summer and it’s been hot outside, which means I frequently find myself not wanting to think about anything, much less which movie to watch that day. So I decided on this one. In fact, I started watching it only a few hours after watching last night’s movie, so the events from the first were fresh in my mind. I’m glad it worked out that way this time because I caught a few more details than I did the first time (with a couple years in between seeing the first and the second movies).

I haven’t seen the third installment of the franchise yet, and I’m not sure I want to. It’s not written or directed by Eli Roth, so I’m not holding high hopes that it’ll be fantastic. This one was written and directed by Eli Roth and it already wasn’t fantastic. It was okay, but it kind of felt like it was just a mix of scenes Eli Roth had to leave out of the first one. There’s little new in this one except for the characters. And they’re not all new, either.

House of Wax (2005)

This is another one of those teen slasher films that doesn’t have anything going for it except a relatively familiar cast. “Wait,” you might be thinking, “doesn’t Paris Hilton give this one something special?"*

No. No, she doesn’t. In fact, I probably would have rated this one higher if Paris Hilton hadn’t been involved. She’s the only one of the group who can’t act (seriously, even her screams aren’t believable), and I found myself distracted by hoping she’d just die already.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Hello, July! I can’t believe six months of 2024 have already passed! I’m not sad to leave June’s movie picks behind me, though.

I’ll be honest, I’m feeling a little bad about the lower rating on this one. I was convinced nostalgia was going to give this one a boost! But I genuinely found this movie boring when I watched it today. I have zero memory of how much I liked it when I first saw it many many years ago, but it’s kind of a newer slasher classic, so I probably enjoyed it some?

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

This is another horror movie remake that tries to be far more disturbing than its predecessor. It succeeds, but only superficially.

Indigenous (2014)

This movie was mostly okay. It was a monster movie through and through, which is kind of refreshing, but it wasn’t a great monster movie or anything. It was entertaining, though.

The only cast member I recognized was Lindsey McKeon, and I’ll admit I only recognized her by looks, not by name. But the acting wasn’t bad, and the characters were reasonably sympathetic. There were more scenes in Spanish than I was expecting, which isn’t a bad thing, but I found myself having to pay attention to the subtitles more than I had anticipated.

Isabelle (2019)

What did I say about liking scary movies with Adam Brody? Here’s another one! I didn’t like it as much as yesterday’s, but I didn’t hate it. It has just awful reviews online, but I watched it on a service with a bunch of ads and I still found it pretty ok, and in general I’ve learned not to trust reviews of horror movies.

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023)

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! This was a seasonally-appropriate film, but it wasn’t as good as I’d have liked.

Jacob's Ladder (1990)

I’m feeling less sleepy tonight (I caught up on sleep last night!) but I have very little to say about this one.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Well, here we are. The last Friday the 13th film of the 20th century. And despite its subtitle, not the actual “final Friday.”

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn (2022)

Wow, people on the internet REALLY hate this movie. There are literally hundreds of one-star reviews (out of TEN!) on IMDb truly trashing everything about this movie. And I…thought it was actually okay! Better than yesterday’s movie, anyway (which somehow has better ratings on IMDb than this one).

Jessabelle (2014)

I liked this one. It wasn’t anything spectacular, it wasn’t anything really original, and it wasn’t anything to keep me up at night, but it was really entertaining.

My first thought was “wow, what an interesting title screen.” I liked the weird music and the creepy font. The movie then opened with a bang, and was well-paced throughout. The creepy factor builds and builds until you’re at the edge of your seat wondering what’s next.

Kill List (2011)

This movie is sitting precariously just at the edge of being a good movie but I don’t think it quite makes it. It’s well acted and the camerawork is great but the story doesn’t have enough substance to hook its audience.

I liked the characters from the start – the main group are all sympathetic relatable characters for the most part (at least as far as the audience knows at first) and the dialogue flows nicely. The group chemistry seemed complicated but realistic so my favorite scenes were the ones where Jay and Gal or Jay and Shel were just having a normal conversation.

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

I read the book this movie is based on, The Cabin at the End of the World, several years back, and really liked it. I’ve liked most of Paul Tremblay’s work, though surprisingly more of the longer works than his short stories.

Anyway, I was excited last year when I heard this was being made into a movie, so I reread the book in anticipation before it was release.

Kristen (2015)

Well, hello 2024! I’m excited to be back with this blog, and excited to be starting with a New Year’s Day film from the Netherlands.

I was all in on this movie at first. I watched it alone in the dark, late at night on a cold winter night. (Maybe a little too tired for an English subtitled film, but I made it through!)

And it starts out great! It does do that “mid-story flashback as opening scene,” but I’ll forgive this one. The atmosphere is creepy, the actress who plays Kristen is sympathetic and believable, and there’s a healthy sense of dread built up nice and early.

…and then things get weird. (Spoilers ahead)

Leatherface (2017)

So…this movie is also fine? Again, I don’t really think it adds much to the story. Not for lack of trying, though?

Level 16 (2018)

Okay, I feel like this movie was better the first time I watched it? And yeah, there’s some of that “well, obviously” because I already know most of the answers this second time around, but… I don’t think that’s all.

Madman (1981)

This is a fairly standard slasher film of the 1980s. The story isn’t very original (group of folks around a campfire discussing an urban legend no one believes in), the acting isn’t great, and the “madman” isn’t super terrifying.

Mandy (2018)

So…I’ve seen this movie now. It seems like a lot of people really like it. I…well, I watched the shit out of it.

Midnighters (2018)

It’s New Year’s Eve, everyone! The last day and my last movie of the year. I don’t know whether to find it fitting or disappointing that I mostly think this movie is fine.

Mine Games (2012)

This movie was okay. It was definitely watchable, and the pacing was fine. The concept was okay. The cast was pretty good, though I didn’t recognize anyone.

But, like…everyone is just so dumb in this movie. Seriously, they keep making the stupidest decisions the entire movie.

Monolith (2023)

There was some really interesting potential here, and I think Lily Sullivan did an excellent job, but I wasn’t really feeling this one for most of the film.

Most Likely to Die (2015)

This is a silly movie. I get the sense it’s meant to be silly on purpose (I mean, Perez Hilton is in it, after all…and, um, it’s called “Most Likely to Die"), which mostly works here.

Mr. Harrigan's Phone (2022)

Oh hey, a Stephen King adaptation not by Mike Flanagan? Yep. I’ve actually read this story too, and mostly enjoyed it.

My Best Friend's Exorcism (2022)

This movie is a little difficult to explain. Especially if you haven’t read anything by Grady Hendrix. This is based on the Grady Hendrix novel of the same name, and tries to achieve the same tongue-in-cheek tone his books do.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and since I’d never seen any version of My Bloody Valentine (okay, that’s not quite true – I did see the band in concert once), I figured there was no better way to celebrate than to give it a try. While stuffing myself full of candy, of course.

So how was it? Eh, it was okay. Pretty much your standard 80’s slasher fare. As it turns out, the vague details I knew about the movie going into it (there’s a mine, and a killer in a gas mask) were basically the whole movie.

Night Life (1989)

This is the first of at least a couple of movies on my list starring Scott Grimes. No real reason, other than I really like Scott Grimes, mostly since watching The Orville, and ESPECIALLY for the absolute best episode of The Orville.

Nine Dead (2010)

Wow. This is a stupid addition to the “let’s play a game” genre. And I mean stupid.

No One Will Save You (2023)

This movie was also really hyped up for a while. I can sort of see why, but I wasn’t terribly impressed.

No Vacancy (2012)

This is a silly movie. I remember being excited for it when the trailer came out, back when it was still called The Helpers. Maybe that title seemed too bleak for the movie? No Vacancy is such a boring title, and way too close to Vacancy to be original (and actually, I kind of liked Vacancy, I may need to watch that one next now that I think about it).

Anyway, I spent most of the day at the (first ever!) Silicon Valley Comic Con, so I didn’t want to watch anything that would make me think too much. I rented this on Amazon tonight since I figured it would be some good old-fashioned violence and murder, and I was right. And speaking of not thinking, not only did I not have to think while watching this, but it’s clear none of the characters were thinking throughout, well, most of the movie.

Nothing but Trouble (1991)

Okay, so this is probably a weird choice for Thanksgiving, but it turns out there aren’t a whole lot of pre-1996 horror movies set on Thanksgiving? That I could find, anyway.

Offspring (2009)

Once again I don’t have much to say about a film. I still like Pollyanna McIntosh. She’s credited as “The Woman” in this film, which I have to assume serves as a prequel? Sequel? to The Woman, particularly since Jack Ketchum wrote the screenplays for both movies (with help, of course) and Pollyanna McIntosh seems to be the same character in both.

One Missed Call (2008)

I wanted to like this one a lot more. It was okay. The story should have been interesting but didn’t really make sense as told. The pacing was off so the end felt rushed and the reveals weren’t all that intriguing.

The cast is the best part of this movie. I like Ed Burns and I don’t mind Shannyn Sossamon. I actually wanted to watch this a while back because I was on an Ariel Winter kick but I’m glad I skipped it – she’s not in this much. Everyone’s pretty believable and the chemistry of the group is okay, but it’s almost like the movie itself doesn’t have any chemistry (if that makes sense). Anyway, I guess it was nice to see Azura Skye and Meagan Good for the few moments they were on screen.

Ouija (2014)

I wasn’t expecting much from this one, particularly since it’s a PG-13 rated Michael Bay movie, but I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

It’s no great masterpiece by any stretch, but the acting was believable, the special effects were well done and well timed, and the story was interesting.

Panic Button (2011)

Well, this was a not-so-subtle, incredibly heavy handed social commentary on, well, social commentary. Or more specifically, social media and the voyeuristic tendencies it brings out in people.

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

This was the first real letdown of the bunch for me. It did have some neat effects – particularly the Kinect tracking dots – but just felt slow and like more of the same.

Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)

I have admittedly little to say about this movie as well. That’s probably no surprise for a standalone “sequel” released 7 years after the previous in the franchise.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (2015)

This was a pretty good final installment of the franchise. It closed the loop on many of the questions brought up in the earlier films without bringing up too many questions on its own. I feel like I’ve got closure on the story.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

I found this one slightly more interesting than last night’s film but not quite as interesting as the first three films. Spoilers ahead.

Pay the Ghost (2015)

This was a movie with a reasonably interesting premise that just missed its mark.

I’m always in the mood for a good Nicolas Cage movie. Unfortunately, Pay the Ghost was not that movie.

Pet Sematary (2019)

I’m going to try to avoid the “F” word here, but I liked this one about as much as yesterday’s. It’s about the same length, the same pacing, and (mostly) the same story.

Pet Sematary (1989)

I have to apologize to all of you. It seems my word of the year is “fine”. It’s only March, and I’ve already called 11 movies “fine” this year! Well, let’s make it 12, because…you can probably guess where I’m going here.

Phantoms (1998)

I struggled on rating this one. It’s weird, like two different movies in one. The first hour of this movie is SO SLOW AND BORING, and the last half hour is like rapid-fire screams and thrills.

Pod (2015)

I’m torn on how I feel about this movie. I think it’s got a lot going for it – an interesting story, a pretty terrifying antagonist, and familial drama as a backdrop. But the pieces don’t all fit quite right and it frequently feels like there’s more focus on being a dark and mysterious piece of art than there is on telling a scary story. I don’t like films that are artsy for the sake of being artsy (though I’ll admit that may just be personal preference).

Polaroid (2019)

This was a silly horror movie that suffered from campy special effects and odd pacing choices. It could have been a lot better than it was!

Poltergeist (2015)

This movie was really disappointing. I was really hoping I’d like it more, especially with Sam Raimi’s name attached to it, but the original is better in almost every way. I say “almost” because there were a couple things this movie did well: the special effects and the stupid old tree. So many of the scenes were much more believable in this movie than in the original, in appearance if nothing else.

To be fair, if I’d never seen the original I probably would have rated this one higher. It’s creepy and well paced and the underlying story is the same. But since the original is just so damn good, my opinion of this one suffers a bit.

Prevenge (2017)

Okay, have I mentioned Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace here yet? It’s an amazing British TV show with only 6 existing episodes, and if you haven’t yet seen it, you absolutely must as soon as possible. I love it so much. I think that show, along with a fundamental agreement of “no babies” is what solidifed the beginning of my relationship with my husband.

I guess it’s a little bit ironic, then, that I’m watching a movie with (and BY!) Alice Lowe, who played Madeleine Wool/Dr. Liz Asher, about a murderous pregnant woman? Well, whether it’s ironic or not, I wanted to like this one much more than I did.

Prom Night (1980)

I liked this movie okay, but I have very little to say about it.

Prowl (2010)

(Spoilers ahead because it’s kind of hard to talk about this one without them) I’d seen this movie before, so I should have remembered how thematically similar it is to last night’s movie. It’s…not quite as good, though.

Pulse (2006)

I love Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s one of my favorite comedy films and I’ve seen it a bunch of times. There’s a scene in it where they’re making fun of Kristen Bell’s eponymous character for a terrible horror movie she did about evil cell phones, and I have to imagine this is the movie the writers had in mind for that scene.

And they’re totally right to make fun of it. This movie is pretty ridiculous. But it’s not all bad, and it did keep me reasonably entertained throughout. It’s definitely not Wes Craven’s best film (not even close), and you can tell from the awkward dialogue that the screenplay was his work.

Pumpkinhead (1988)

As far as scary movies go, this one isn’t terrible. It’s got Lance Henriksen and apparently a very young Mayim Bialik.

The story is interesting and Pumpkinhead is pretty scary (despite his kind of silly name).

It just feels slow. I notice I’ve been saying that of a lot of films lately. Maybe 2016 is just dragging on and I’m ready for it to be over.

Pyewacket (2017)

This movie had some interesting bits to it, and I thought the performances were great, but it was a bit too slow for me overall.

Rabid (1977)

I actually saw the 2019 remake of this movie (which I’ll be watching tomorrow) before ever seeing this one, and honestly…it’s weirder. Which I think is interesting! The remake somehow out-weirds David Cronenberg!

Re-Animator (1985)

Well, I have now finally seen this movie. And it was…okay. I can see why it’s a cult favorite, but I wasn’t terribly impressed.

Re-Kill (2015)

I have to give this one some credit for trying something relatively new. This was a zombie movie crossed with reality TV in a pretty silly way. It’s not an entirely bad effect, but it could have been better.

I’m not sure how I feel about the commercial breaks. I felt like the cigarette ads were in poor taste and the “Coalition to Re-populate America” ads were just boring. I don’t think the commercials added anything to the film. However, the brief info spots were well done – more of those and fewer of the commercials would have been ideal.

Rings (2017)

This wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t impressive. I don’t think it’s a story that needed to be told (again). But in the midst of all of these horror remakes and reboots, I can see why someone thought it was necessary.

Rites of Spring (2012)

It’s officially the first day of Spring on this side of the world, so I finally watched this one. I’d actually started it on Netflix a couple months back, but stopped when I realized it could be used as a seasonally-appropriate choice a short time later.

But I must have misjudged how much was left of the movie when I stopped it, because I swear there were only about ten minutes I hadn’t already seen. Maybe I was expecting it to get interesting all of a sudden? Maybe I was distracted the first time and didn’t realize how long I’d been watching? It was kind of a letdown to have waited so long for so little.

Satanic (2016)

I’m giving this one three out of five, but I think that’s a bit generous. I have a soft spot for Sarah Hyland, what can I say? Who else here watches Modern Family?

Saw II (2005)

This one, while also written by Leigh Whannell, just wasn’t quite as good as the first one. It’s more disturbing for the sake of being disturbing, dark for the sake of being dark, and the story just isn’t quite as interesting.

I’ll give it one thing, though – the twist at the very end was pretty good. Not entirely unexpected or unpredictable, but well timed and well placed.

It doesn’t make me hopeful for the next 5 films, though. Well, I guess we’ll see next week!

Saw IV (2007)

This one was okay. I’m glad I’m spacing these out to one a week because I think I’m already burned out on Saw movies.

On the one hand, I feel like this director has finally hit his rhythm with this franchise. There weren’t as many artsy effects or weird close-ups as there have been in the past two films. I’m a little disappointed that this is the last film in the franchise from this director.

Saw V (2008)

Sadly, this was another uninspired entry in this franchise that certainly hasn’t inspired me to write anything.

Oh, but it did have Julie Benz, so there’s that.

Saw VI (2009)

Unsurprisingly, this movie didn’t really add anything to the franchise so (again unsurprisingly) I don’t have much to add about it. It felt like the most unnecessarily gruesome and graphic of the lot so far, though.

On the plus side, there’s only one left! They say all good things must come to an end…hopefully all not-so-good things must come to an end as well.

(Okay, spoilers ahead) Seriously, though, just when I thought that jackass was going to get what was coming to him, it looks like he’ll be back for next week’s finale. Sigh.

Scar (2007)

I’ve been letting Netflix make many of my movie-watching decisions for me lately, so I decided to give Amazon Prime Instant Video a chance to recommend something good. I’ll admit my expectations were pretty low, as the last time I watched something Amazon recommended to me I couldn’t make it all the way through.

But this one had Angela Bettis in it, so I figured it couldn’t be all bad. And it wasn’t! It had a lot going for it, and it was decently entertaining.

Scary Movie (2000)

Okay, so, fair warning, I’m going to watch all five Scary Movies this week. I figure I did it for Scream, I might as well do it for this. I’ll probably regret it by the end of the week. I might already regret it now.

Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Four down, one to go. This wasn’t as bad as the last one, but it wasn’t great. Or really even “good.”

Scary Movie 5 (2013)

I’m glad to be done with this series, but honestly it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated. While the Scream series all hover around 2 hours, these are all under an hour and a half. And they’re (supposedly) comedy, which makes them a little easier to get through one after another than some of the darker, gorier collections (*cough* Saw *cough*).

Scream (2022)

I first saw this movie on a plane in 2022. It turns out I hadn’t actually seen the previous film before, so there were some references (the lemon squares?) I didn’t catch until this viewing, but otherwise I don’t feel like I missed much. I was under the (mistaken) impression this movie was supposed to be a full reboot anyway, so I wasn’t expecting to need the context when I watched it the first time - and I didn’t, the story made sense to me.

Scream 2 (1997)

Look, I don’t think anything was ever going to live up to the first movie, not even (especially not?) a sequel as self-aware as this one. And it doesn’t, but it’s fine.

Honestly, as soon as the opening scene started, I remembered most of this movie, which probably didn’t improve this viewing for me. But it’s fine. The movie, I mean. It’s just fine.

Scream 3 (2000)

Oh, did I forget to mention yesterday that I’d be watching all the remaining movies from the Scream franchise this week? Hope you don’t mind!

I’m a little worried I might mind by the end of it…I’m not sure I ever saw this one or Scream 4. Some scenes felt familiar but it could just be because there’s not a whole lot of “new” in this.

Scream VI (2023)

Okay, I’m glad this is the last Scream movie I have to watch this year. And honestly, I was prepared for this to be way worse than it was. You read about things being “critically panned” and it gets in your head and…yeah.

And yet, once again, this movie was fine.

Session 9 (2001)

This movie has been hyped up quite a bit on various forums and review sites I’ve looked into so I decided to watch it for a second time (the first was many years ago). Unfortunately I think it’s yet another that I liked more the first time I saw it. Maybe that’s just me! Maybe I’m just feeling less generous these days!

Seventh Moon (2008)

I’ll admit that I haven’t read up much on the mythology behind this one, and it’s less enjoyable watching it without someone who can translate all of the Cantonese, but this is still an okay movie. Or maybe it’s just that I like Amy Smart so much. And there’s a lot of Amy Smart in this movie.

Shocker (1989)

I really wanted to like this more than I did. It has Mitch Pileggi! And Peter Berg! And an interesting storyline!

Sick (2022)

I don’t really have too much to say about this one either. It’s another that had a neat concept and could’ve been more interesting than it was, but falters a bit in execution.

Significant Other (2022)

This is a weird little movie, and I know that’s not the first time I’ve said that this year. It was okay? It’s not too long but it’s pretty slow, especially at the beginning.

Silent Night (2021)

It’s Christmas Eve! I should have picked something a little scarier or a little more relevant, but I started this and was too lazy to swap it out for something else, so we’re all stuck with this.

Slayers (2022)

This was okay. It’s a pretty standard horror-comedy film. Well, a pretty standard vampire horror-comedy. It’s funny enough, not all that scary, and not all that original.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Okay, this is another older scary movie that I can definitely understand gaining a cult following. I’m not quite sure I can fully count myself among them, but I get it.

Snow White: A Tale of Terror (1997)

Oh, hello October! I guess we’re back to movies I remember liking more when they came out?

Something Wicked (2014)

I really liked this movie. If it weren’t for the confusing number of characters and sometimes hard-to-follow storyline, I’d probably have rated it higher.

And let’s be honest…Brittany Murphy as a psychiatrist was a bit of a stretch (and what was with the terrible hairstyle?), though her temper tantrums were definitely believable. I have seen Brittany Murphy in things where she’s absolutely charming but she seemed a bit absent in this one, and I’m not sure it was in anyone’s best interest to release this one posthumously.

Sometimes They Come Back (1991)

I’ve recently been watching The West Wing for the first time ever (I know, I know) so it’s appropriate that I’d watch a movie starring Tim Matheson. He’s much more likable in this as Jim Norman than he is in The West Wing, though, which is probably for the best.

This definitely watches like a Stephen King story, although it’s another I haven’t read. The premise is reasonably interesting but after watching the movie I don’t feel the need to read it also. Which isn’t to say the movie isn’t interesting – it is interesting. And well acted. And, for the most part, with nicely done background music.

Sorority Row (2009)

Okay, I do have some more to say about this one than about yesterday’s. I liked this one better, but not better enough to give it a higher rating. But it has been a while since I’ve watched a scary movie with Julian Morris!

Speak No Evil (2024)

Let me say first off that I know this is an American remake of a Danish film. There’s even a nod to the Danish origins at the very beginning of the film, but I won’t spoil that in case you’re interested in seeing this one.

Splice (2009)

In honor of today’s news that a federal panel has approved the first use of CRISPR genome-editing technology in humans, I chose this movie. It definitely had promise. An intriguing premise, a high quality cast, a writer/director whose previous work I liked. It should have been awesome. Instead it was…weird. Scary, yes, but mostly just weird.

Oh, and with a whole lot of “what did you think was going to happen?” It almost makes me wonder what experiences Vincenzo Natali (who, by the way, wrote and directed Cube as well as this) has had that he chooses such a…distinctive direction to take this movie in.

Stage Fright (2014)

I do have more to say about this but I’m still tired so you’ll have to live with brevity yet again.

I like the concept of this one – a horror musical. There are others in this genre that I quite like. But this one somehow tries to be a parody of the genre and an exemplar of the genre and unfortunately it fails at both. The lyrics are largely trite and boring and quite frankly they sound quite amateur and often childish. The melodies are all borrowed from other songs. The killer’s songs were the best of the lot and they weren’t all that great themselves.

Stay Alive (2006)

While this movie is reasonably entertaining, its premise is a bit ridiculous and doesn’t really lend itself to being taken seriously. I’m just not sure Elizabeth Bathory was the right historical creeper to use for this one.

And what was with the character names? Loomis, Hutch, October, Swink, Phin…and Abigail? I can only assume Samaire Armstrong (Abigail) was let off the hook for already living with the name Samaire. Don’t get me wrong, I think Samaire is a pretty name – I just can’t come up with any other reason Abigail was the only familiar sounding name of the bunch.

Stitch (2014)

I didn’t know what to expect from this movie. It started out slow, got a little strange, and then got really weird and religious.

Strange Darling (2024)

This is…really tough to rate. And also really difficult to talk about without spoiling things.

Straw Dogs (1971)

I had a lot of problems with this movie. I thought the acting was great, but the pacing was off and parts of the story didn’t sit right with me, either.

Submerged (2016)

So I can sort of see why this one only had one star on Netflix. It wasn’t a great movie. It was barely even a good movie. But it kept me entertained throughout, so I gave it a (very generous) three out of five.

The acting was mostly okay, though there were some weirdly melodramatic scenes during which the actors all overacted as befitted the scene. The music was similarly bland throughout most of the film, with a few notably overdramatic exceptions. The plot sort of makes sense and gets increasingly more convoluted as the movie goes on, but it’s interesting enough.

Subservience (2024)

Yes, yes, this is another “wary of AI” movie like last night’s. And of course, especially given that it stars Megan Fox, this one has been called a sexy rehash of M3GAN (and it’s also just been called “M3gan Fox”, I guess).

Suspiria (2018)

Okay, for all my prior complaints about long movies? THIS movie is long. THIS movie is the longest movie I have watched for this site (it beats the next longest, The Shining, by 8 minutes). THIS movie is OVER TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.

Suspiria (1977)

This movie was fine. I know it’s a classic and I know people like it, and it’s made a major cultural impact. I thought it was fine.

Terror Train 2 (2022)

Remember how I said that as a standalone film, yesterday’s remake was fine? So was this - and since it wasn’t a mostly shot-for-shot remake, I’ll let it keep the third star.

Honestly, I watched this not expecting much from it, except a return to the original New Year theme/holiday. And it wasn’t great or anything, but it was totally watchable! And not quite as predictable as the first! And the writing was much sharper and funnier - I so am glad they backed off the creep factor for the Magician this time around and gave him some great lines.

Thanksgiving (2023)

I usually like Eli Roth. Maybe this one was just longer and slower than I’d have liked. Maybe it was overhyped a bit too much when it was first released. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood and nothing was going to entertain me today. But I wanted to like this one more than I did.

The Abandoned (2015)

Overall this movie wasn’t bad. Jason Patric was fine as Cooper, though he mostly sat around and grunted. Louisa Krause was also fine as Streak. There were some really creepy scenes throughout the movie, and the setting in general was awesome (giant old abandoned apartment complex? I’ll take it!).

But something about the twist at the end didn’t quite land for me. It was an interesting twist, but there wasn’t enough backstory or foreshadowing for it to make much sense. I felt more confused than scared at the end of the movie.

The Amityville Horror (2005)

I liked this movie about as much as I liked the original. Which is to say, I liked it okay.

I forgot that this was another Michael Bay remake until the Platinum Dunes opening logo popped up. And in fact I almost forgot again while I was watching the film, which says something. Right up until the sex scene, which had Michael Bay written all over it.

Aside from that, it’s quite tame compared to some of his other remakes. It stays mostly true to the original film (based on the book, based on the questionably true story) except for a few minor details.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

(Spoilers ahead) We’re in the last month of the year, so I feel it’s time to admit something: I’m a sucker for a happy ending.

The Atticus Institute (2015)

What’s with all these relatively short movies feeling like they’re dragging on so slowly? I kept kind of losing interest in things, but I ultimately found a good amount to like here.

The Beyond (1981)

Y’all, I am tired this week. And still not feeling very talkative.

The Boy (2016)

I really wanted this movie to be good, because I love creepy doll stories and the trailer made it look awesome. And it wasn’t bad. But it could have been better.

The cast was probably the best part of the movie. Well, okay. Lauren Cohan was great as Greta, and the rest of the cast was just fine supporting her. The scenery was also beautiful and terrifying, a combination I love.

The Dark and the Wicked (2020)

So, I didn’t quite know what I was getting into with this movie…but I certainly didn’t expect a repeat of the creepiest, most disturbing scene from yesterday’s film in this one. And right at the start, no less. And honestly, it’s not even the most disturbing scene from this movie.

The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

Oh. So this is why they had to cut the ending when they did. So they could make a sequel. I have to admit that I didn’t realize they had released a sequel, despite (or possibly because of?) how much I loved the first film. It felt complete to me, so I never saw any need for a sequel. But I guess it makes sense. Why not try to capitalize on your success?

Of course, from what I can tell, this was ultimately a direct-to-video release, so I guess they didn’t do such a great job capitalizing on it. But it wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t anywhere near as intensely scary and engrossing as the first one, but it was entertaining throughout. And much bloodier (if you can believe that), so if you’re into that kind of thing…

The Diabolical (2015)

Well, this one started out awesome but didn’t quite finish strong. I was so excited by the opening sequence, but it’s all sort of downhill after that.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Ali Larter and all, but this movie was too weird for me to really get into. The pacing was all off, so it dragged on at times and was too busy to make sense of at others.

The Disappointments Room (2016)

The Disappointments Room? More like the disappointments movie, am I right? Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad, but I wouldn’t say it was all that great either.

The Dive (2023)

Apologies, I’m not feeling like I have too much to say this week.

The Evil Dead (1981)

I have a secret. I’ve been worried about admitting it to all of you, but I think the time has come. I…am not a huge fan of The Evil Dead.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Bruce Campbell. I liked Evil Dead 2, and I really liked Army of Darkness, but somehow the original just doesn’t do anything for me.

The Final Destination (2009)

So I suppose this is the Fast and the Furious of the Final Destination franchise. Or, I’m sorry, it’s probably The Fast and the Furious since it’s The Final Destination.

What does that mean anyway? That they thought it really would be the last in the franchise but then decided they couldn’t resist making just one more?

Anyhow, I will say one thing for this franchise – it knows how to entertain. And it has Tony Todd. So I guess that’s two things.

The First Purge (2018)

Well, it’s usually not a great sign when I only realize halfway through a movie that I’ve seen it before. Especially one with Marisa Tomei!

The Fog (2005)

As I mentioned yesterday, this movie was kind of boring. Now that I’ve seen the original, I understand some of the choices that were made for this remake…and I still think it’s kind of boring. I guess that’s what you get when the director of Blank Check (yes, that Blank Check) decides to do a PG-13 remake of a John Carpenter film.

But it wasn’t the worst movie I’ve watched. The acting was fine, and they definitely went for gold in the music department – the composer, Graeme Revell, did the music for several movies I really liked (Gossip, The Craft, Idle Hands) and one movie I’ve named as my favorite on more than one occasion, The Saint. And he does a great job in this one! The music was the least boring part about the movie.

The Frighteners (1996)

I was disappointed with this one. I blame myself on that front, because I went into this with my expectations way too high.

I never saw this until tonight. I remember really really wanting to see it when it came out just over twenty years ago but for one reason or another it never happened. So I was excited about getting to watch it for this blog, and even more excited when I realized it would fit into a Throwback Thursday review quite nicely (after July 18, of course).

The Gallows (2015)

This movie was mostly okay, but I have never wanted a “protagonist” to die as much as Ryan. Seriously. From the start, I wanted to rip the camera out of his hands and give it to anyone else. His “colorful” commentary and stereotypical bullying made him one of the most unsympathetic characters I’ve ever seen.

The rest of the relatively unknown actors in the cast were okay. They worked well together and the dialogue was mostly believable. And there are definitely some creepy moments to the film.

The Girl in the Photographs (2015)

I’d been avoiding this movie on Netflix for some reason. I think it was because of Kal Penn. Don’t get me wrong, I like Kal Penn…I just couldn’t really picture him in any serious horror movie.

The Grudge (2004)

I don’t know why I signed myself up to watch this AND its two sequels. I forgot that this movie is just a less compelling version of the Japanese original, and I can’t imagine the two sequels are notably better? But I’ve never seen them, so maybe I’m wrong.

The Grudge 3 (2009)

So I said yesterday that I didn’t really understand how the curse had moved…well, this whole movie is a whole bunch of WTF and confusion about the grudge.

The Hallow (2015)

Take my rating today with a grain of salt – I think this movie was actually pretty good, I just wasn’t really in the right mood to be impressed by it.

It’s got a good story, a good cast, and good background music. The opening credits aren’t too long or ostentatious and the evil creature is pretty damn scary.

The Haunting of Sorority Row (2007)

So this is like a made-for-TV Lifetime horror movie and let me tell you, it SHOWS. But it was still pretty watchable. I think that’s mostly because I would watch Leighton Meester in pretty much anything.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Okay, well, it goes. I liked this one about as much as the original, even though it was not insignificantly longer.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

I must be getting to the part of the year where I’m tired and I don’t have much to say. I still don’t have much to say about this one.

The Hills Run Red (2009)

This movie was just okay. I just saw William Sadler in something else (don’t remember what offhand) and when I saw that he was in this, I figured I’d give it a try. In fact, I hadn’t even heard of this movie until yesterday. I think I was looking around IMDb at other movies and this popped up under one of those “you might also enjoy” headers.

And I guess I enjoyed it. I mean, it was passably entertaining. And reasonably scary. Babyface is a scary killer and some of the torture scenes were definitely terrifying. And the plot was pretty interesting, though I can’t really call it an original.

The House on Sorority Row (1983)

This movie was okay. It’s a pretty standard slasher film from the 1980s.

The House That Jack Built (2018)

Okay, I’m not at all sure why I put this on my calendar. It’s a two and a half hour film by Lars Von Trier, who also made Melancholia, the worst movie I have ever seen (which is saying something, especially for a film with Kirsten Dunst AND Kiefer Sutherland).

The Invitation (2015)

This one was weird. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great, it was just weird.

It started off interesting – I really liked how there was no background music during the opening sequence, which definitely had promise. Then the opening credits went on a bit too long and its jump cuts got a bit too distracting. In fact, that’s kind of how I feel about this whole movie. It went on too long and its various twists or jump cuts or scene changes became distracting and even disorienting at times.

The Last Horror Movie (2004)

I don’t remember how or where I heard about this movie, but I did. A few IMDB reviews relate it to American Psycho - one even calling it the BETTER American Psycho! I wouldn’t go that far, but I can understand the comparison. And also I’m adding American Psycho to the calendar…

The Last House on the Left (1972)

This movie is hard to watch. Not in the normal, almost tongue-in-cheek way I usually say it. There’s nothing wrong with this movie, but the things it depicts…well, there’s a lot wrong there. There’s no need for fancy special effects here, and while there’s not a whole lot of gore, there are several graphic, disturbing scenes.

For a directorial debut, this was quite a statement. If Wes Craven was here for anything, it was to scare as many people as possible.

The Levenger Tapes (2013)

This movie had an interesting story, an overused implementation, and a weirdly uneven and often slow pace. It has its scary moments but for the most part it’s just boring.

The Long Night (2022)

I was hoping I’d like this one a bit more than I actually did. It’s a high three stars, but just not quite four stars.

The Neon Demon (2016)

I’m not sure where I heard about this movie originally, but IMDb had it listed under the Horror and Thriller genres and the cast looked interesting so I figured I’d give it a try. I almost regret it. Not quite, but almost.

This movie is definitely weird, but not the kind of weird that I usually like. It’s hard to even tell it’s a horror movie until the last twenty minutes or so, and it definitely doesn’t feel like a thriller at any point.

The Night House (2021)

First, I want to make a (much smaller) content warning about discussions of suicide in this movie.

The Number 23 (2007)

It’s almost like I can’t get enough of Joel Schumacher or something!

Sadly I don’t have too much to say about this one. It had an okay concept but the cast was weird and the group chemistry was off.

On the other hand, I really liked the soundtrack. And Lynn Collins as a (suicide) blonde.

The Nun II (2023)

Okay, I did like this better than the first one. Not by much, but by enough to earn it an extra star.

The Ones Below (2016)

Well, this was a movie. I don’t want the hour and a half of my life spent watching this back, but I also don’t feel like I gained anything during that time.

Essentially this movie set up an obvious, predictable situation…and then followed through with it. It’s apparently hailed as a “suspenseful” movie but for me the only suspense was when the movie was going to end.

The Open House (2018)

Wow, people really do NOT like this movie. Like, it has an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes with over 1000 reviews.

Actually, I think this review by Shaun Munro says it best: “This virtually tension-free, depressingly bland horror flick is tough to recommend to anyone but the most undemanding horror fans looking for something gentle to stream on a hungover Sunday afternoon.”

The Outwaters (2023)

I feel like this movie had a lot of really interesting potential and visual effects, but didn’t quite land the “scary story” piece quite as well as it could have.

The Owners (2020)

I wanted to like this much more. It’s got a whole lot going for it! Maisie Williams! Creepy old couple in a big old house!

The Prophecy (1995)

This was a weird movie. I kind of get where they were going with the story, but it didn’t quite land for me.

I think Christopher Walken is not so much terrifying as he is intimidating. He intimidated the crap out of me in this movie, but I was never really scared. Maybe it’s the accent. I just don’t buy that the archangel Gabriel would be Christopher Walken. Clearly it was my inability to suspend my disbelief for the movie that ruined it for me.

The Purge: Election Year (2016)

So I saw this one tonight and it was kind of a let down. Not a huge let down, but kind of a let down. It did have Frank Grillo again though, and he was pretty badass. So was Edwin Hodge, for that matter.

The Rental (2020)

I watched this because it had a title that kind of fit into a theme with yesterday’s movie…but I’m thinking this movie actually has more in common with The Open House, and not in a great way?

The Resort (2021)

I liked this one more than I expected, but still not a lot. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that it was quite short and action-packed.

The Roommate (2011)

This movie was okay. Well it was actually boring, but everyone in it is just so damn pretty that I had to give it at least three out of five. It barely deserves that – the story is that boring.

Weirdly though, it’s somehow watchable and the pacing is fine so it never drags on it just…doesn’t tell a story. It does have a pretty damn good soundtrack, though.

The Ruins (2008)

I don’t have too much to say about this one. It was mostly okay. Nothing really special.

The cast was pretty good – I like Jena Malone and Shawn Ashmore, and I’m pretty sure I like Jonathan Tucker. I thought that Joe Anderson’s fake German accent was a bit much, though. They couldn’t have found an actual German actor to play Mathias?

The Strangers: Prey at Night (2018)

So, I guess June was my bad month, and August so far is my “thought I liked it better the first time” month. This was just okay. I need to find a good, genuine scary movie to watch soon. This was not that movie.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

I don’t have too much to say about this one either. I like Tobe Hooper, and this is definitely the film that put him in the spotlight, but it’s also definitely not his best film.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

I can kind of understand why I decided to skip this movie in 2016, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. No, I didn’t like R. Lee Ermey’s character any more in this one, and no, I don’t feel like this really added anything to the story.

The Tooth Fairy (2006)

Okay, so I said before that I like Lochlyn Munro, and I enjoy his performances and would love to see more of him. Well, I’m not sure this is quite the “more of him” I was looking for, but it wasn’t all bad.

The Unborn (2009)

This movie was pretty okay. It felt really slow for the first half hour or so and never quite figured out the right pace to keep the audience engaged.

The Unspoken (2015)

I don’t have a lot to say about this movie either. The acting is fine, the location creepy, the music only slightly overbearing…

But it lost me a bit with the ending there. It felt like the important parts of the story were all revealed in a rush in the final three minutes.

Which is weird, because it’s a relatively slow-moving film up until then.

Overall I liked it but it wasn’t too scary and it wasn’t too memorable.

The Village (2004)

I thought this movie was nominally thematically appropriate following the last two movies. And at least it’s better than The Happening?

The Visit (2015)

I (like many folks I know) have a love/hate relationship with M. Night Shyamalan. I loved Unbreakable and thought The Sixth Sense was pretty okay, and I hated The Happening (despite Zooey Deschanel – but that’s a review for another day) and was pretty bored by Lady in the Water. So I wasn’t sure what to expect from The Visit.

Then I watched the trailer for it, and realized it was basically an M. Night Shyamalan found footage film, and was even less sure what to expect from it. About where I landed…I’m on the fence about it, much like my overall sentiment towards the director.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Am I a bad horror movie fan? I thought this was just okay. On thinking a bit, I guess the remake was one of the earlier/earliest Hollywood horror remakes, so there were probably more critical eyes on it than for some of the later ones? But honestly, I liked them both about the same.

The Wicker Man (2006)

Hello and happy May Day! I wanted to keep on theme, so my movie ordering is a bit off this week. I don’t know that I’d ever seen this movie before, OR its original…so we’ll see how watching this version first fares for tomorrow’s?

The Witch (2015)

I was excited to see this one finally available on Amazon Prime Video, but a little disappointed now that I’ve actually seen it.

The hype was definitely better than the movie on this one.

They're Watching (2016)

This was a silly movie. And not the good kind of silly.

Which isn’t to say it was all bad – it did have its cute moments and some of the jokes were okay.

Mostly, though, it seemed like a bunch of racist (or racist-adjacent? they were at least questionable) jokes and a mediocre cast.

I actually thought it was reasonably interesting until it was three-quarters of the way finished and nothing remotely scary had happened.

They/Them (2022)

I so badly wanted to like this movie way more than I did. It has such a clever name! I love the idea of it! Even the performances are pretty good! But something about the execution here just isn’t it.

Timber Falls (2007)

This is a pretty standard “backwoods horror” story that I don’t have too much to say about.

Triangle (2009)

This movie had an okay premise, an okay cast, and okay pacing. Overall? It was okay.

Truth or Die (2012)

I liked this one. Probably more than I should have. I almost rated it at 4 out of 5, but stopped when I realized I really just liked that everyone was so British. I am almost certain that I wouldn’t have liked this movie as much with an American cast.

But they were British, so I think this is a great movie. Okay, accents aside, the cast was pretty good. They were all believable (and British), and I liked that the group had chemistry (and British accents).

Turistas (2006)

I was considering going with something holiday appropriate like The Stepfather but it was hot and I was lazy, so I ended up watching this movie instead. It’s pretty boring, which is a shame because it has such an interesting cast. I guess the cast themselves were fine – everyone was believable and earnest. I even believed that Olivia Wilde and Josh Duhamel could be brother and sister! Too bad this movie was so boring I don’t remember their character names. I think Duhamel’s character was named Alex?

I definitely don’t remember the name of Melissa George’s character, but her halting understanding of Portuguese was really well acted and (spoiler alert) is likely the reason any of them get out alive. But there’s not really a lesson here. No justice is really served for either side at the end of this as far as I can tell.

Umma (2022)

I’m really hoping that before the end of the year there will be at least one more film that gets me talking.

Uncle Sam (1996)

Happy 4th of July! Here’s a VERY silly on-theme movie for you.

Unfriended (2014)

I think this was one of the first movies to be told entirely through computer screens and instant messaging and video chat. Conceptually, that’s really neat! I love that filmmakers are using technologies to their advantage to tell new stories and new kinds of stories!

But this one fell pretty flat for me, on a number of levels.

Us (2019)

I struggle a bit on rating this one. It has all these fantastic elements of a really good horror movie - a stellar cast, an understated and well-placed score, a unique and interesting premise, and yet…for me it’s just too. long.

Vacancy (2007)

I liked this movie, but it annoyed me too much to rate it any higher than 3 out of 5. For one thing, the opening credits are way over the top. Before anything even happens, you’re listening to this crazy upbeat action movie type of song and the credits are rolling across the screen in giant colorful blocks. It’s weird, and way longer than it needs to be.

The story is somewhat original, but the characters are so boring. I never quite care about the characters enough to be invested in their survival, which makes it hard for me to really like this movie. Overall it’s kind of like a less entertaining version of The Strangers.

Valentine (2001)

I’m of the opinion that the best way to celebrate any holiday is to curl up with some hot chocolate (or lemonade in the summer) and a good horror movie. Valentine isn’t exactly a good horror movie, but it was entertaining enough and definitely appropriately festive.

Village of the Damned (1995)

I wish this movie were better. I think it might be the oldest remake I’ve watched yet? It’s old enough to be a Throwback Thursday pick itself!

Walled In (2009)

I might have a thing for Mischa Barton. It’s weird, though, because I’m not sure she’s a great actress. She seems to get cast as the somewhat spoiled, mildly haunted teenager/young adult in everything she’s ever done. I guess she pulls that off pretty well, though.

Cameron Bright, on the other hand, is a pretty great actor. Especially for someone so young. He’s been in several things and I’ve always been really impressed.

Watcher (2022)

Okay, after a few movies in a row that I really liked (loved!), I’m back to a movie that was disappointing. This is another movie that was pretty hyped up for a while, so I was excited to finally get around to it…and was pretty disappointed.

We Are Still Here (2015)

I vaguely remember being excited for this one based on the trailer, but I was a bit disappointed by how it actually played out.

We Summon the Darkness (2020)

This movie has been on my watch list for so long and now I’m almost wishing it had just stayed there. I was so disappointed by it and I don’t even really have the words to explain why.

When a Stranger Calls (2006)

I don’t think this movie was great, but I do think it took the best parts of the original and tried to make the most of them in a remake. I don’t think it always succeeded, but I can appreciate the attempt.

When a Stranger Calls (1979)

I was really torn on how to rate this one. The opening and closing were fantastic, but the whole middle seemed to drag on. And it’s not a long movie.

Within (2016)

I’m kind of hungry and kind of tired, so this will be short.

While the premise was interesting the story itself fell flat. The performances were fine but the characters empty.

It’s not a bad movie but it’s not very original or anything special.

Wrong Turn (2003)

I’ll admit, a movie has to be pretty bad for me to rate it lower than 3/5…and this one got pretty close. But as my dad once said (and I happen to agree), “I would watch Eliza Dushku brush her teeth for 45 minutes.” So Eliza Dushku, the extra one’s for you.

You Might Be the Killer (2019)

This is the last “regular” movie I’m watching before I finish the year out with a bunch of holiday movies and…it’s kind of a disappointment. I feel like I liked it more the first time around.

Zombeavers (2014)

I realize that beavers and groundhogs are different animals, but there are apparently no horror movies about groundhogs (although according to IMDb, there will be one next year!). So for Groundhog Day this year, I figured I’d finally get around to watching Zombeavers. And wow. Just wow.

I figured from the trailer and the tagline (“They’ll dam you to hell!”) that I was in for something ridiculous, but I don’t think I was quite prepared for just how ridiculous it was. From the opening sequence with the campy music and animated beavers, to one character yelling “I feel like a Power Ranger!” whilst in the throes of passion, to the actual zombified beavers, everything about this movie was ridiculous. And I loved it.